The year is 2023, and the Web as we knew it is no more.
Discourse has taken everyone by surprise. We were fools not to trust in Jeff Atwood's 10-year-plan - and not to notice the changes around us. But how could we predict that? First, they went for the easy targets - swiftly taking over forums, chats and e-mails, dooming the old platforms into abandonment and obsolescence. People were worried, but glad - they hoped that with time, Discourse would become a quality product and a worthy replacement of the ancient technologies.
But by then, nothing could stop the revolution.
Telephones. Financial systems. Smart homes. Soon, everything was in Jeff Atwood's hands. The competitors were either squashed or assimilated, the hardware manufacturers forced into slave work designing new, more powerful hardware to run Discourse. It was a common sight, back in those days - a crying child, staring blankly into a 404 page where his old blog used to be, and his mother, holding back tears, struggling not to cry.
What happened? - the child would ask.
Discourse, son. Discourse happened - the mother would respond, reminiscing the days long gone.
The Daily WTF was one of the first to go. After all, there was hardly any code left in the world but Discourse code - and laughing at Discourse code was something only a fool could attempt. The forums didn't last much longer, either. The old, wretched hive of scum and villainy was dealt with mercilessly, as an example of what happens to those who refuse to accept the conduct of civilized discourse. Its DigitalOcean accounts suspended, its databases carefully shredded, its users forced into exile in the depths of the Internet.
Some of them gave up the fight, for the good of their families and friends. Under new identities, hiding their shameful past, they joined the Discourse team, developing new versions of the software. Others vanished from the Web altogether, never to be seen again.
But some of them... some of them remembered.
April 17, 2023
Meta.discourse.org
@codnghorror said:
@sam, the topic progress bar requests already account for 50% of our server load. How's the work on the CDN?
@sam said:
It's already live on progressbar.discourse.org, we'll be implementing it next release, cc @zogstrip
@Maciejasjmj said:
What? Are you people serious?
You're moving a fucking progress bar to a CDN because you're too lazy to fix the shitty code which causes the load in the first place? Christ on a stick, that's so retarded I don't even know where to begin. What if your server is down? Or is behind a firewall? Everyone's progress bars just stop working?
@sam said:
Oh dear, another lowlife.
@riking said:
Don't worry, @sam. I got this.
@Maciejasjmj, @boomzilla the TDWTFer, is no longer welcome here!
You are @boomzilla. You're not exactly sure what you're here for, or what you're supposed to be doing. Once in a while, you get a nagging feeling that there's some job that you should be doing right now, but it wanes as quickly as it comes. As such, you have no special abilities other than your vote and faction kill, if applicable.
You are TDWTF-aligned. Your goal is to take control of the forum, such that you cannot possibly be eliminated, and cause Discourse to fade into obscurity. To aid you with your goal, your faction is awarded a nightly XSS exploit on a selected user, causing them to become self-banned and no longer welcome here. You may discuss your plans in a separate forum with your fellow TDWTFers.
@anon467421 said:
Banned, anonymized, and with all his posts deleted. The pest won't be bothering us anymore.
@sam said:
@riking, is that you? Dear Lord, what happened to you?
@anon467421 said:
Oh no... there must've been an XSS exploit on that bastard's profile page...
@sam said:
Goddammit, @riking, stay with us! We can still unban you and give you your nickname back!
@anon467421 said:
No... I'm so sorry, @sam. They managed to disable the unban feature. I can still hold on, but just barely... once I refresh the page, I'll be gone.
But you know what that means. The trolling, the XSS, the uncivilized behaviour...
@sam said:
You don't... No. No. We destroyed them. They can't be back. They can't. They can't.
@anon467421 said:
They can. But we will fight, and we will win again, just like we won all those years ago.
For Jeff. For the forum. For civilized discourse. We... mustn't... give up...
...oh @sam, I feel it's time, it's time for me to refresh now and update to the latest version...
@sam said:
@riking! Don't... don't...
@riking, @boomzilla the Discodev, is no longer welcome here!
You are @boomzilla. You're not exactly sure what you're here for, or what you're supposed to be doing. Once in a while, you get a nagging feeling that there's some job that you should be doing right now, but it wanes as quickly as it comes. As such, you have no special abilities other than your vote and faction kill, if applicable.
You are Discourse-aligned. Your goal is to use the daily banning to remove all uncivilized threats, ensuring that nobody can stop Discourse from becoming the forum platform for the next 10 years.