http://blakeyrat.com/

September 29th, 2011 blakeyrat 

A quick series I did on Twitter:

SOMEONE PAY ME A MILLION BUCKS FOR ALL MY GREAT IDEAS

Here’s great idea number 1: Tail warmers for furries who wear fake tails during winter months

Here’s great idea number 2: Ad campaign where man opens woman’s Coke to make it go flat as a prank, copy “I popped her Cherry Coke!”

Here’s great idea number 3: RFID chips for wigs, so bald men can tell if their wigs are on straight without a mirror a’la Surface tables

Here’s great idea number 4: An adapter to let game-addicted kids drive their parents old beater car using an Xbox/Playstation controller

Here’s great idea number 5: A closet-sized dryer so consumers don’t have to separately dry and stack their clothes

Here’s great idea number 6: A sitcom entitled “Hex for the Memories” about a witch who has amnesia moving in with a psychologist

Here’s great idea number 7: Movie promotional stunt, fill a subway car full of pyro effects and run though crowded station at full speed

Here’s great idea number 8: A web forum that only allows drawings, no text. (Instead of textarea, you get HTML5 drawing tools.)

Here’s great idea number 9: Jason Bourne vs. Godzilla

Here’s great idea number 10: Another moon shot, while there build little Smurf villages to confuse the heck out of future generations

THIS CONCLUDES MY GREAT IDEAS.

 

The last few are a little lame, except 8 which is genuinely a great idea.

www.doodleordie.com

Are you on twitter El Heffe?

frits:

Are you on twitter El Heffe?

He's on crack. 

Weps:

frits:

Are you on twitter El Heffe?

He's on crack. 

?????????????

 

I had some good ones over the years but I didn't write them down. I can only remember a few:

1. A linux distro where hitting Ctrl+C twice deletes the contents of the current dir (much faster than rm -rf .)

2. Reverse power sockets so that the metal pins stick out of the socket and not the appliance plug. That way there's no fear of stabbing your foot  by stepping on the plug which you've undoubtedly left laying on the floor.

3. A system that allows corporations admin access to your machine so they can update their applications without bothering you all the time.

 

 

DOA:

2. Reverse power sockets so that the metal pins stick out of the socket and not the appliance plug. That way there's no fear of stabbing your foot  by stepping on the plug which you've undoubtedly left laying on the floor.

 

 

Heh!  That's one way to get rid of excess toddlers and pets.

 

DOA:

I had some good ones over the years but I didn't write them down. I can only remember a few:

1. A linux distro where hitting Ctrl+C twice deletes the contents of the current dir (much faster than rm -rf .)

2. Reverse power sockets so that the metal pins stick out of the socket and not the appliance plug. That way there's no fear of stabbing your foot  by stepping on the plug which you've undoubtedly left laying on the floor.

3. A system that allows corporations admin access to your machine so they can update their applications without bothering you all the time.

 

 

I have my own list and I did write it down:

1. banana flavored jogging shoes
2. beer bottles with a whistle built into the cap
3. bikini tops with little propellors
4. cream of noodle soup
5. dark brown toothpaste
6. eyeglasses that make everything look like it's exactly six inches to the left of where it really is
7. invisible paint
8. jell-o origami
9. a lending library for soup
10. mattresses filled with corn flakes
11. poodle on a stick
12. telephone keypads with a handy double (and perhaps triple) zero key, for faster dialing of vanity numbers that end in "hundred" or "thousand"

 

Invisible paint has been around for quite a while.  But it's not a big seller because it's hard to find.

 

If you can make a fluid with the same refractive index as air, then there's your invisible paint right there.

..

 

I think.

 

Where did I put it.

Invisible paint is called laquer. It's on half my furniture. Inventing things that already exist isn't funny.

blakeyrat:

Invisible paint is called laquer. It's on half my furniture. Inventing things that already exist isn't funny.

 

The list is not thing that haven't been invented, it's great ideas that haven't been marketed.

Don't believe me?  Try googling one of the other items on the list.  "Poodle on a stick" finds about 23,700 results, and the autocomplete suggests "stick" as the second choice (after "leash" but before "skirt") when you get as far as the word "a".

blakeyrat:

Invisible paint is called laquer. It's on half my furniture.

 

As it's Christmas I thought I'd have a go at pedantic dickweedery

Colourless != invisible

blakeyrat:

Invisible paint is called laquer. It's on half my furniture. I just can't tell which half.

FTFY.

Was that a typo, or is 'lacquer' normally spelled without a 'c' on your side of the pond?

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As it's Christmas I thought I'd have a go at pedantic dickweedery

But if we're being pedantic, it's not Christmas yet...

blakeyrat:

Invisible paint is called laquer. It's on half my furniture. Inventing things that already exist isn't funny.

 

Yeah, but it's still got a different refraction index from air.

My great idea is to make bit and byte move through any metal. Once that is done, we can send bit and byte using electricity cable and power lines.

Nagesh:

My great idea is to make bit and byte move through any metal.

 

Exactly what material do you think all computer wires are made of?

Nagesh:

we can send bit and byte using electricity cable and power lines.

 

Already done. Was slow and clunky. Couldn't be marketed.

 

Some button, right in front of me, to stab someone over the internet once I click it.

dhromed:

Nagesh:

My great idea is to make bit and byte move through any metal.

 

Exactly what material do you think all computer wires are made of?

 Coper, Silver or Aluminum.

dhromed:

Nagesh:

we can send bit and byte using electricity cable and power lines.

 

Already done. Was slow and clunky. Couldn't be marketed.

Show me link for this. I am lazy to gogle.

I always come up with great ideas and find out they've been done before, but I can only think of two right now.

1) They should make a boat that's also an airplane.

2) Cars need two sun visors so I can put one in the front and one on the side and not have to switch it back and forth all the time when the road curves.

I suggested that second one to a friend while we were road-tripping. He reached up, pushed the main visor to the side, and pulled down a secondary visor. (It wasn't my vehicle btw.)

Scarlet Manuka:

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As it's Christmas I thought I'd have a go at pedantic dickweedery

But if we're being pedantic, it's not Christmas yet...

 

Well, it isn't Christmay Day yet but it is not uncommon to call the week before and after the big day "Christmas", especially when justifying excess. 

"Fancy a beer for morning tea?"

"Go on then, it is Christmas"

 

Personally, I consider it Christmas in the wider sense once I start opening the advent calendar.

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Scarlet Manuka:

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As it's Christmas I thought I'd have a go at pedantic dickweedery

But if we're being pedantic, it's not Christmas yet...

 

Well, it isn't Christmay Day yet but it is not uncommon to call the week before and after the big day "Christmas", especially when justifying excess. 

"Fancy a beer for morning tea?"

"Go on then, it is Christmas"

 

Personally, I consider it Christmas in the wider sense once I start opening the advent calendar.

 

I consider it Christmas when they put the Christmas decorations on sale at Big Lots.

As of right now it's been Christmas continuously since August of 2003.

 

My worst one - and its real  : WiFi over wires...

 

http://worldwide.espacenet.com/publicationDetails/biblio?DB=EPODOC&II=1&ND=3&adjacent=true&locale=en_gb&FT=D&date=20100624&CC=US&NR=2010157817A1&KC=A1

 

I have also never found any patents for a steam powered wheelbarrow. 

 

 

 

 I also had to pull my invention of a

"Zero instruction set computer"

from the corporate patents process a few years ago.... because I realised that was just a microcoded machine.

And I was eventually made redundant...

We were working in a lab where we were inspired in our pursuit of the patentable by the fact that somebody had patented the use of a red button on the TV remote control as a means of  accessing information.

 

mikedjames:

We were working in a lab where we were inspired in our pursuit of the patentable by the fact that somebody had patented the use of a red button on the TV remote control as a means of  accessing information.

 

Oh dear, looks like we'll have to use a green button instead... What's that, the head of the legal department is colorblind? Crap...

ekolis:

mikedjames:

We were working in a lab where we were inspired in our pursuit of the patentable by the fact that somebody had patented the use of a red button on the TV remote control as a means of  accessing information.

 

Oh dear, looks like we'll have to use a green button instead... What's that, the head of the legal department is colorblind? Crap...

 

This remote has two yellow buttons and one grey button!

 

 

 

Add a few more yellow and gray buttons and you'll be able to use it to play Super Mario 64!

My business idea:

Kitten of the Month Club.

Every month you receive a new cute playful kitten, and you simply put the old one in the enclosed plastic bag and ship it back.

BTW if you guys liked "Great Ideas", you might also like "Did You Know": http://blakeyrat.com/2011/06/the-45-didyouknow-tweets-ive-made-so-far/

blakeyrat:

http://blakeyrat.com/2011/06/the-45-didyouknow-tweets-ive-made-so-far/

 

This explains why you are employed in web analytics and not standup comedy.

 

El_Heffe:

blakeyrat:

http://blakeyrat.com/2011/06/the-45-didyouknow-tweets-ive-made-so-far/

 

This explains why you are employed in web analytics and not standup comedy.

But you posted the first list! Soon I'm going to be employed in putting my fist in your face.

blakeyrat:

But you posted the first list!

I got the impression he was making fun of you then, as well.

 I have great ideas about twitter when

1-your targeting keyword before you can # sign put then your word as keyword treats.

amkeabhi123:

 I have great ideas about twitter when

1-your targeting keyword before you can # sign put then your word as keyword treats.

Plz send me teh codez.