The software my employer uses for booking holidays has recently been "upgraded" and we now need to specify an absence reason:

Here's a full listing of the available options:

• Abortion / Termination
• Absecess / Ulcer of Nose
• Achilles Tendon
• Acne
• Alcohol Abuse
• Alopecia
• Alzheimer's
• Amputation of Toe
• Anaemia
• Angina
• Ankylosing Spondylitis
• Annual Leave
• Anorexia Nervosa
• Anxiety
• Aortic Aneurysm
• Appendicitis
• Arthropathy
• Artial Fibrillation
• Assaulted
• Asthma
• Authorised Absence
• Authorised day off (flex)
• Authorised Sabatical Leave
• Back Pain
• Balanitis
• Bartholin Cyst
• Bell's Palsy
• Benign/malignant cancer tumour
• Bite
• Bleeding
• Bleeding in Pregnancy
• Breast Disease / Lump
• Bronchitis
• Bulimia
• Burn
• CA Ovary
• Cataract
• Cellulitis
• Cervical Problems
• Cervical Root Pain
• Chest Infection
• Chest Pains
• Chickenpox
• Cholycystitis
• Cold / Flu
• Compartment Syndrome
• Compassionate
• Concussion
• Cond affecting lung /throat
• Condition Aff Brian / Spine
• Congestive Heart Failure
• Conjunctivitis
• Corneal Abrasion / Ulcer
• Cough
• Crohn's Disease
• CVA / Stroke
• Cysitis
• Debility / General Debility
• Decreased Foetal movements
• Dementia
• Dental Problems
• Dependants Leave
• Depression
• Dermatitis
• Detachment from Reality
• Diabetes
• Diabetes Retinopathy
• Diarrhoea
• Disc Problems
• Disease of Heart Valve
• Disease of white blood cells
• Dislocation
• Dizziness
• Drug Abuse / Dependance
• Dyspepsia
• Ear Infection
• ECG
• Ectopic Pregnancy
• Eczema
• Emphysema
• Endometriosis
• Epilepsy
• Eustachian Salpingitis
• Exhaustion
• Eye Burn
• Faint
• Fatigue
• Fever / Temperature
• Fibroadenosis
• Flu Like Illness
• Food Poisioning
• Foot Operation / Surgery
• Foreign Body
• Fracture / Broken Bones
• Funeral
• Gall Bladder Problems
• Ganglion (Upper Limbs)
• Gastritis
• Gastro-Enteritis
• General Symptoms
• Gestational Hypertension
• Glaucoma
• Glomerulonephritis
• Gout
• Grief Reaction
• Gynaecological
• H
• Haemorrhagic Conditions
• Haemorrhoids
• Hand/Wrist
• Hayfever
• Head Injury
• Headache
• Hearing Loss
• Heart Arteries and Vein Condit
• Heart Attack
• Hernia
• HIV
• Hodgkin's
• Holiday
• Holiday following paternity le
• Hospital Appointment
• Hydrocele
• Hyper / Hypertension
• Hyperemisis
• Hysteria
• IBS
• Ill
• Impetigo
• Inability to cope
• Infertility Probs & Treatment
• Influenza
• Insomnia
• Intervertebral Disc Disorders
• Ischaemic Bowel Disease
• Ischaemic Heart Disease
• Jury Service
• Kidney Disease
• Kidneys, bladder, Sexual Organ
• Kyphosis
• Labytrinthitis
• Laparosopic Surgery
• Laryngitis
• Leukaemia
• Liver Pancr gland prod hormone
• Malaise Encephalitic
• Manic Depression
• Mastitis
• Maternity Leave
• Measles
• Meningitis
• Menstruation Problems
• Migraine
• Multiple Sclerosis
• Mumps
• Myalia
• Myocardial Infection
• Nail Problems
• Nausea / Vomiting
• Nervous Debility
• Nervous Exhaustion
• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
• Obstructive Sleep Apnoea
• Oral / Tongue Problems
• Orchitis
• Osteo / Rheumatiod Arth
• Osteo/Rheumatoid Arthritis
• Osteoarthritis - Back
• Other Derangement of Joint
• Other Dis of Cervical Region
• Other Unspecified - Back
• Otitis Externa / Media
• Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndr
• Pain
• Panic Disorder
• Parkinson's Disease
• Paternity Leave
• Pelvic
• Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
• Pelvic(F Only) C Mskele other
• Pending Specialist
• Peptic Ulcer
• Personality Disorder
• Pharyngitis
• Phobia
• Placenta Previa
• Pleurisy
• Pneumonia
• Pneumothorax
• Poisoning
• Poor Mental Health - bereaveme
• Post Natal Depression
• Post Op Debility
• Post Op Wound Infection
• Post viral syndrome
• Pre-eclampsia
• Psoriasis
• Psychosis
• Public Service
• Pulmonary Fibrosis
• Pulmonery Oedema
• Pyelonephritis
• Rash
• Reaction to Medication
• Rectal Problems
• Renal Colic
• Renal Disease / Failure
• Retinal Disorders
• Rheumatic Heart Disease
• Rhinitis
• Rib Injury
• Rosacea
• RTA (Road Traffic Accident)
• Rubella
• S13 Cervical Problems
• S19 Foreign Body
• S20 Pain
• Salmonella
• Scabies
• Schizophrenia
• Sciatic Pain
• Scoliosis
• Seasonal Affective Disorder
• Sebcaceous Cyst
• Shingles
• Shock
• Shoulder Problems
• Sickle Cell Trait / Anaemia
• Sickness
• Sinusitis
• Situational Crisis
• Sore Throat
• Sprain / Strain
• Stitches
• Stomach Mouth Gut Bowl Conditi
• Stomach Ulcer
• Stomach Upset / Bug
• Strep Throat
• Stress
• Study Leave
• Stye
• Sunburn
• Surgery - Thumb
• Swollen Glands
• Tenosynovitis
• Threatened abortion
• Thrombophlebitis
• Thyroid Problems
• Tonsil / Adenoid Problems
• Transient Ischaemic Attack TIA
• Trauma
• Tremor
• Ulcertative Colitis
• Urethroplesty
• URTI Upper Respiratory Tract
• UTI (Urinary Tract Infection)
• Uticaria
• Varicose Veins Ulcer Inflammat
• Vertigo
• Viral Illness
• Visual Disturbance / Loss
• Vomiting
• Warts
• Water Infection
• Wax
• Whiplash
• Wound

Of the many WTFs, the Real WTF is that this form is only ever used for booking annual leave (holiday/vacation), never any other type of absence, including illness.

 Absense due to warts?   Maybe if you are a model ?

 What? no multiple select? that forms sux.

Surgery - Thumb

 Wax?

An injury from wax, or do you suffer from wax?

My favorite's mastitis.  Can't really put my finger on why, but I'm definitely going to miss a few days due to that next week.

(Quite aware what it means. You can stop dipping your cursor in acid.)

Welbog:

Surgery - Thumb

No other kinds of surgery are allowed! You are permitted to get your thumb amputated or reattached only!

BlueKnot:

Don't forget splinter removal!

Foreign Body

BlueKnot:

"III" (exposure to roman numerals?)

That's "Ill"  as in I L L with the Ls in lowercase.  Good ol' Sans Serif fonts where you can't tell the difference between I and l.

chrisb:

Holiday following paternity le

ups, VARCHAR(30)

chrisb:

Disc Problems

do bad sectors count ?? 

bohica61:

Reason for Absence: "Detachment from Reality"
Notes: "Applies to management, not employee. See also: Personality Disorder"

I agree with whatever Quietust just posted above.

Abortion / Termination

chrisb:

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Dude ... I absolutely have to be absent every day! 

danixdefcon5:

Abortion / Termination

See, now I would use that every Friday and make a big fuss if they tried to argue.

When I see drop downs like that, I always look at the source to see what kind of <select> it is. If it's just plain text options (not ID numbers), you can likely enter your own names using an editor (Firebug, for instance).

Change it to <option value="You can't legally ask these questions"> and submit it.

chrisb:

The software my employer uses for booking holidays has recently been "upgraded" and we now need to specify an absence reason:

 [ . . . ] 

Here's a full listing of the available options:

• Alcohol Abuse

Dude, you get to take days off for Alcohol Abuse?  I wanna work where you work! 

chrisb:

• Wax

>;-)  Oh, we could have fun with that one...

boss:

Did you apply for a week off work for reasons of "Wax"?

employee:

Pardon?

boss:

I said, did you apply for a week off work owing to reasons of "Wax"?

employee:

Pardon?

boss:

I said, ...

employee:

Pardon?

.. oh, forget it.  See you in seven days. 

<walks off>

 Genital Warts are a very unfortunate affliction. When you have a flare up, you may as well be out because someone set your genitals on fire, and you are suffering 3rd degree burns.

I rather like that this is the form that is for future leaves to be scheduled/approved, not just reporting leaves in general...

 Me:  I need all of next week off.  Monday I plan to be be assaulted, and then I'll have appendicitis Tuesday through Thursday, and finish with manic depression on Friday.

 Boss:  Well, I can approve the assault and the manic depression, but we need you here to meet with clients on Tuesday and Wednesday, so you can only have one day of appendicitis.

It's been a long time since I've laughed till I cried.

This thread needs to be on the front page.

EDIT: ok, just the OP then..

 "Inability to Cope"

 'nuff said.

So....

 If I shot myself in the eye with a flooring nailer, would that be:

Nail Problems
Visual Disturbance / Loss
Wound
Head Injury
or
Pain.

(And I suppose if I was in jail for doing the same thing to Rosie O'Donnell it would be "Public Service"?)

I'll take "H" for $100 please, Alex.

I think my favorite is "Kidneys, bladder, Sexual Organ".  Whether it is the random capitalization, the lumping together of the three or use of the term "sexual organ", I'm not sure.

bstorer:

Just pick 'H' every time, and dare them to prove you don't suffer from H.

This can be accomplished with little Preparation.

 I am surprised that this inquiry in your very personal matters doesn't violate any privacy laws in your country...

The issue I see here, and possibly "the real WTF", is that I'm pretty sure it's illegal to ask why someone needs to take sick leave in the first place.

chrisb:

Eye Burn

Ow.

Where I come from, H is short for Heroin, so you might not want to put that as a reason for sick leave... 

DoubleFelix:

chrisb:

Eye Burn

Ow.

morbiuswilters:

I think my favorite is "Kidneys, bladder, Sexual Organ".  Whether it is the random capitalization, the lumping together of the three or use of the term "sexual organ", I'm not sure.

Dude, you are *totally* missing out on the heaven that is kidney stimulation. Srsly.

morbiuswilters:

...or use of the term "sexual organ", I'm not sure.

My wife just LOVES to play the organ

 I think whoever wrote this form was suffering from:

• Detachment from Reality

operagost:

I have terminal alopecia.

Also, "Hyper / Hypertension" reminds me of "up, up and away", not to mention Hungry Hungry Hippos of course.

"Detachment from Reality"

Are they just waiting for some dumbass to actually select this so they can terminate them?  

amischiefr:

"Detachment from Reality"

 

Are they just waiting for some dumbass to actually select this so they can terminate them?  

 Disassociative episodes actually occurs as a medical condition, usually in people with anxiety/depression.  It causes you to be in a dream-like state, with your thoughts detached from your actions.

 Of course, if you're experiencing disassociation, you're probably not capable of requesting off.  You'll be internally screaming at yourself to click submit, but for some reason your body just keeps trying to cover up the fact that you're back in school in only your boxers.

TRWTF is that it's a combo box and not a multi-select list. What if I have both Eustachian Salpingitis and Nail Problems?

ebs2002:

Disassociative episodes actually occurs as a medical condition, usually in people with anxiety/depression.  It causes you to be in a dream-like state, with your thoughts detached from your actions.

Of course, if you're experiencing disassociation, you're probably not capable of requesting off.  You'll be internally screaming at yourself to click submit, but for some reason your body just keeps trying to cover up the fact that you're back in school in only your boxers.

"Dissociative".  You're talking about depersonalization disorders which are only really a subset of dissociative disorders.  Also, "detachment from reality" is broad enough it can encompass other diagnoses.

morbiuswilters:

"Dissociative".  You're talking about depersonalization disorders which are only really a subset of dissociative disorders.  Also, "detachment from reality" is broad enough it can encompass other diagnoses.

This informative and educational post is exactly the kind of trolling I've come to expect from you and those of your ilk.  I am deeply personally offended, and I call upon the powers of Jeff to have you banished to the pit of banned-ness.  Have you written any books we could burn?

morbiuswilters:

ebs2002:

Disassociative episodes actually occurs as a medical condition, usually in people with anxiety/depression.  It causes you to be in a dream-like state, with your thoughts detached from your actions.

Of course, if you're experiencing disassociation, you're probably not capable of requesting off.  You'll be internally screaming at yourself to click submit, but for some reason your body just keeps trying to cover up the fact that you're back in school in only your boxers.

"Dissociative".  You're talking about depersonalization disorders which are only really a subset of dissociative disorders.  Also, "detachment from reality" is broad enough it can encompass other diagnoses.

upsidedowncreature:

This informative and educational post is exactly the kind of trolling I've come to expect from you and those of your ilk.

:-O

upsidedowncreature:

I am deeply personally offended, and I call upon the powers of Jeff to have you banished to the pit of banned-ness.

:`-(

upsidedowncreature:

Have you written any books we could burn?

Just one.  It's called The Koran.  Go burn some copies.  Very publicly.

BlueKnot:

It's also a bit of a slap-in-the-face: "We don't think it's a real illness so we'll make you pick this cutesy, non-medical name. Now if you'll excuse me, I have three people with Schizophrenia to deal with..."

I never really took it that way at all.  "Detachment from reality" actually sounds a little bit more terrifying than something clinical like "dissociative" or "schizophrenic". 

 I laughed so hard my stomach hurts.  Great stuff.

 I like 'vertigo'.  "Sorry, I'm feeling a little scared of heights today, I can't come in..."

"Amputation of Toe" ... Brilliant!

Did they just copy the most recent 100 illnesses from some hospital list?