Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family, I get tech support calls from my family all the time. I got a phonecall from a brother-in-law today:

Him: Hey, you're good with computers right?

Me: Yes.

Him: And you know how to program computers?

Me: Yes, thats my job actually.

Him: Could you explain programming please?

Me: I'm sorry, what do you mean?

Him: I want to make a game like Halo, but I don't know how to start. Could you explain what I need to do?

Me: You should probably go to the library and get a book.

Him: Can you just tell me what I need to do?

Me: Wait a minute. Are you asking me to explain how to program computers?

Him: Yeah.

Me: Over the phone?

Him: Yeah.

 

My brother in law apparently made several unsuccessful attempt to "learn programming" by opening up exes in Notepad. He created a text file with the words "Morph the screen into something cool" and couldn't figure out how to run it, even had the balls to ask me "how do I install my program? Do I just put a shortcut on the desttop".

My dad, a programmer, lent him an unfortunately titled book called "Teach Yourself Java in 24 hours". He immediately flipped to the back of the book and reading sections on server and Swing development, and was very excited to see that he could write his own server after just one day.

In the end, I was unable to teach my brother in law how to make his own Halo over the phone, and he decided that I wasn't a very good programmer.

Strange, I've never heard of something that extreme happening to anyone before.  Maybe this comes from too many "we're engineers, we can build a supercomputer to defeat the bad guys in 10 minutes with the spare parts in this room" scenes in movies.

That level of stupidity is actually pretty tame. About once a week on programming boards I read, I see someone ask an incredibly obtuse question like "I don't know anything about computers, but I want to make a database engine plz help me / I know HTML + CSS and I want to make my ISP plz help me / how to do I make a forum plz help me".

There are countless stories of computer stupidity, such as people heating up pizzas on their monitors, turning off the air conditioning in a server room, trying to scan documents by waving it front of the monitor, or calling support to ask why their computer doesn't turn on during a power outage. The average user loses 80 IQ points in the face of a computer.

Yahweh:

Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family...

<snip>

My dad, a programmer,...

Um, there is something wrong here somewhere! 

Yahweh:

The average user loses 80 IQ points in the face of a computer.

 

 And the brains shoud be the most sofisicated computers in exsistence. Those guys prove it wrong.

GettinSadda:

Yahweh:

Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family...

<snip>

My dad, a programmer,...

Um, there is something wrong here somewhere! 

 

I think, that they always call him instead dad.

Yahweh:

Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family, I get tech support calls from my family all the time. I got a phonecall from a brother-in-law today:

Him: Hey, you're good with computers right?

Me: Yes.

Him: And you know how to program computers?

Me: Yes, thats my job actually.

Him: Could you explain programming please?

Me: I'm sorry, what do you mean?

Him: I want to make a game like Halo, but I don't know how to start. Could you explain what I need to do?

Me: You should probably go to the library and get a book.

Him: Can you just tell me what I need to do?

Me: Wait a minute. Are you asking me to explain how to program computers?

Him: Yeah.

Me: Over the phone?

Him: Yeah.

 

My brother in law apparently made several unsuccessful attempt to "learn programming" by opening up exes in Notepad. He created a text file with the words "Morph the screen into something cool" and couldn't figure out how to run it, even had the balls to ask me "how do I install my program? Do I just put a shortcut on the desttop".

My dad, a programmer, lent him an unfortunately titled book called "Teach Yourself Java in 24 hours". He immediately flipped to the back of the book and reading sections on server and Swing development, and was very excited to see that he could write his own server after just one day.

In the end, I was unable to teach my brother in law how to make his own Halo over the phone, and he decided that I wasn't a very good programmer.

Couldn't you just point out that it took a team of programmers, graphic designers, administrators and others years to develop Halo - and it changed both genres and platforms during development (showing that there is no straightforward process to follow)?

If all else fails, give him one of those "game creator" packages and run... 

Wow. Even after reading this site for a while I am still unable to convince myself that such incompetence can exist. "Teach yourself programming in 15 minutes". Bleccchhh.
At least he didn't ask you to send teh codez for Halo. There is a funny job ad in the sidebar: "Software, how hard can it be - it's just cut and paste anyway". 8=]

GettinSadda:

Yahweh:

Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family...

<snip>

My dad, a programmer,...

Um, there is something wrong here somewhere! 

Well, that makes his dad a computer illiterate programmer. It's not such a rare occurrence, as evidenced by this site. 8=]

GettinSadda:

Yahweh:

Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family...

<snip>

My dad, a programmer,...

Um, there is something wrong here somewhere! 

Nothings wrong with it. I'm the only computer literate person in my family.

My dad uses Perl, but he's completely computer illiterate. A few months ago, he was helping one of my sisters sign up for a class online; the only course required downloading a third party plugin to view certain parts of the site. After half a dozen unsuccessful attempts, he couldn't get the plugin installed, so he calls me up to see if I could troubleshoot the problem over the phone.

He downloads the program and clicks the next buttons, and then he says "ok, we always get to this screen, but we can't seem to get any further".
Me: "What does the screen say."
Dad: "It says please restart Internet Explorer to complete the installation."
Me: "Alright, so do that."
Dad: "... ... ... @#$@% a stupid message popped up saying the installation was cancelled."
Me: "Did you restart the browser?"
Dad: "No, I clicked cancel."
Me: *sigh*

Instead of learning Java, your brother in law might prefer purchasing a copy of Unreal 3 - a game which, I believe, comes with a level editor, a personal version of Maya, and he can learn Unreal Script to make his own mods. Also tell him about the "$1,000,000 Make Something Unreal" contest. This should inspire him, show him the true difficulty of game development, and provide a quicker return-on-investment of his time if he's so interested in game development.

Yahweh:

GettinSadda:

Yahweh:

Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family...

<snip>

My dad, a programmer,...

Um, there is something wrong here somewhere! 

Nothings wrong with it. I'm the only computer literate person in my family.

My dad uses Perl, but he's completely computer illiterate. A few months ago, he was helping one of my sisters sign up for a class online; the only course required downloading a third party plugin to view certain parts of the site. After half a dozen unsuccessful attempts, he couldn't get the plugin installed, so he calls me up to see if I could troubleshoot the problem over the phone.

He downloads the program and clicks the next buttons, and then he says "ok, we always get to this screen, but we can't seem to get any further".
Me: "What does the screen say."
Dad: "It says please restart Internet Explorer to complete the installation."
Me: "Alright, so do that."
Dad: "... ... ... @#$@% a stupid message popped up saying the installation was cancelled."
Me: "Did you restart the browser?"
Dad: "No, I clicked cancel."
Me: *sigh*

 

How the hell can someone use Perl in any non-WTF fashion and still pull boners like the above?  Does he just have a huge blind spot wrt GUIs or something?

 

emurphy:

How the hell can someone use Perl in any non-WTF fashion

Hold on there, I think you just answered your own question.

Yahweh:

 The average user loses 80 IQ points in the face of a computer.

Agreed, some people get on the negative side actually - they are close to offering Him (the Lord Computer) some donuts just to stay away from them and in case it decides to bite something :) 

GettinSadda:

Yahweh:

Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family...

<snip>

My dad, a programmer,...

Um, there is something wrong here somewhere! 

 Well, Yahweh always did wonder why while he was black, his parents were both white. Recently though, he's figured out that they're not really his family, but never got out of the habit of calling the guy 'dad'. That's the only explanation that I can think of!

 

That aside, I'm surprised that there are people who *haven't* experienced this sort of thing. While teach me to program over the phone in 5 minutes is worse than normal, it's probably only slightly so. Exactly 96% of IT professionals have had a friend/family member have had a similar absurdity. Bonus points for the person in question not having a computer, or the issue being completely out of your field of expertise, but "that doesn't matter, it's all just computers, isn't it?"

nsimeonov:

Yahweh:

 The average user loses 80 IQ points in the face of a computer.

Agreed, some people get on the negative side actually - they are close to offering Him (the Lord Computer) some donuts just to stay away from them and in case it decides to bite something :) 

In addition to the dumbifying effect, words in a little grey box with buttons at the bottom become pictographs that look like English [insert language of choice] words only through some bizarre cosmic coincidence. Instead of realising that these squiggles actually *are* words, they will instead email helpdesk with:

 

Hi my computer is trying to trick me with a visual puzzle. There are currently symbols on the screen that look like the words "Are", "you", "sure", "that", "you", "want", "to", "delete", "this", and "file". there's also a squiggle at the end that looks like a question mark, and two buttons at the bottom that have more squiggles on them which I can only describe as lookiing like the words "yes" and "no". If it helps I can fax you a copy of the screen, because as I say, I'm just saying what they look like, I'm not sure what these arcane symbols actually mean.

Please advise further. All I am trying to do is delete this old file with last year's sales figures in.
PS I'm a really really really important CEO so you have to fix this buggy virus in 5 minutes, or you're all fired.
 

RayS:

Exactly 96% of IT professionals have had a friend/family member have had a similar absurdity. Bonus points for the person in question not having a computer, or the issue being completely out of your field of expertise, but "that doesn't matter, it's all just computers, isn't it?"

 

Oh, I got one of those:

I was visiting distant relatives of my wife and they asked what my occupation was. When they heard I was actually a programmer, they exchanged meaningful glances. "Well, with you being a programmer, I'm sure you will be able to program the VCR in the bedroom, right?"

"Sure, no problem." I responded, while my wife tried to hide her embarrassment. Heh, funny old folks. They gave me a cigarette holder as a thank you gift. Great, now I have a place to put them if I start smoking again.

burntfuse:

Strange, I've never heard of something that extreme happening to anyone before.  Maybe this comes from too many "we're engineers, we can build a supercomputer to defeat the bad guys in 10 minutes with the spare parts in this room" scenes in movies.

If the little girl in Jurassic Park can use an ancient linux version with a 3D GUI, then you should be able to tell someone how to program over the phone. In fact this should extend to other specialties.

"Hello? are you a doctor? Could you tell me how to diagnose and treat myself?"

On a side note on hollywood stupidity I saw a CSI episode the other day where they plug in a suspect's confiscated laptop and it promptly start to delete its hard drive to hide any evidence. The following dialog ensues:

"It's deleting the hard drive! They have connected to it from the internet and activated a program"

"Stop it!"

"I can't, I'm locked out".

 

For f*ck's sake...
 

jsolisre:

RayS:

Exactly 96% of IT professionals have had a friend/family member have had a similar absurdity. Bonus points for the person in question not having a computer, or the issue being completely out of your field of expertise, but "that doesn't matter, it's all just computers, isn't it?"

 

Oh, I got one of those:

I was visiting distant relatives of my wife and they asked what my occupation was. When they heard I was actually a programmer, they exchanged meaningful glances. "Well, with you being a programmer, I'm sure you will be able to program the VCR in the bedroom, right?"

"Sure, no problem." I responded, while my wife tried to hide her embarrassment. Heh, funny old folks. They gave me a cigarette holder as a thank you gift. Great, now I have a place to put them if I start smoking again.

You're lucky. I usually don't get anything but a coffee or tea and questions like "I'd like to buy a new computer, what would you suggest, Windows or Dell?" No cigarette holder. Ever. 

nsimeonov:

offering Him (the Lord Computer) some donuts just to stay away from them and in case it decides to bite something :) 

Nominated for quote of the week

TAGS ... while looking for the quote of the week tag, I found the first one. 

Your brother-in-law should get a job programming in India.  He'd fit in perfectly!

DOA:

On a side note on hollywood stupidity I saw a CSI episode the other day where they plug in a suspect's confiscated laptop and it promptly start to delete its hard drive to hide any evidence. The following dialog ensues:

"It's deleting the hard drive! They have connected to it from the internet and activated a program"

"Stop it!"

"I can't, I'm locked out".

I wonder if there is a repository for such Hollywood computer idiocy?  Did you see the one featuring Prince of Persia?  It's so bad that it's absolutely hysterical.

Video... 

djork:

DOA:

On a side note on hollywood stupidity I saw a CSI episode the other day where they plug in a suspect's confiscated laptop and it promptly start to delete its hard drive to hide any evidence. The following dialog ensues:

"It's deleting the hard drive! They have connected to it from the internet and activated a program"

"Stop it!"

"I can't, I'm locked out".

I wonder if there is a repository for such Hollywood computer idiocy?  Did you see the one featuring Prince of Persia?  It's so bad that it's absolutely hysterical.

Video... 

That hurt my brain.

My mother constantly calls me long-distance to fix all sorts of "problems" on her computer.  The worse was the one time the virus detector found a virus but couldn't delete it.  She called me up, explaining the situation.  I managed to get her to figure out the file in question.  We then looked for the file in Windows Explorer, but only found more directories, no files.  I am thinking some sort of root-kit or something and start getting concerned.  After about an hour, realizing that it wasn't a root-kit, I had my mom read back the filename letter-by-letter.  She spells it out, ending with "dot-dot-dot".

 "Is the 'dot-dot-dot' important?"

 grrrr....