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"Could You Explain Programming Please"

Last post 12-29-2007 2:52 PM by vhokstad. 52 replies.
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  • 12-14-2007 11:46 PM

    • Yahweh
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 05-21-2007
    • Posts 6

    "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family, I get tech support calls from my family all the time. I got a phonecall from a brother-in-law today:

    Him: Hey, you're good with computers right?

    Me: Yes.

    Him: And you know how to program computers?

    Me: Yes, thats my job actually.

    Him: Could you explain programming please?

    Me: I'm sorry, what do you mean?

    Him: I want to make a game like Halo, but I don't know how to start. Could you explain what I need to do?

    Me: You should probably go to the library and get a book.

    Him: Can you just tell me what I need to do?

    Me: Wait a minute. Are you asking me to explain how to program computers?

    Him: Yeah.

    Me: Over the phone?

    Him: Yeah.

     

    My brother in law apparently made several unsuccessful attempt to "learn programming" by opening up exes in Notepad. He created a text file with the words "Morph the screen into something cool" and couldn't figure out how to run it, even had the balls to ask me "how do I install my program? Do I just put a shortcut on the desttop".

    My dad, a programmer, lent him an unfortunately titled book called "Teach Yourself Java in 24 hours". He immediately flipped to the back of the book and reading sections on server and Swing development, and was very excited to see that he could write his own server after just one day.

    In the end, I was unable to teach my brother in law how to make his own Halo over the phone, and he decided that I wasn't a very good programmer.

  • 12-15-2007 12:18 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    Strange, I've never heard of something that extreme happening to anyone before.  Maybe this comes from too many "we're engineers, we can build a supercomputer to defeat the bad guys in 10 minutes with the spare parts in this room" scenes in movies.
  • 12-15-2007 1:21 AM In reply to

    • Yahweh
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 05-21-2007
    • Posts 6

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    That level of stupidity is actually pretty tame. About once a week on programming boards I read, I see someone ask an incredibly obtuse question like "I don't know anything about computers, but I want to make a database engine plz help me / I know HTML + CSS and I want to make my ISP plz help me / how to do I make a forum plz help me".

    There are countless stories of computer stupidity, such as people heating up pizzas on their monitors, turning off the air conditioning in a server room, trying to scan documents by waving it front of the monitor, or calling support to ask why their computer doesn't turn on during a power outage. The average user loses 80 IQ points in the face of a computer.

  • 12-15-2007 4:12 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    Yahweh:

    Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family...

    <snip>

    My dad, a programmer,...

    Um, there is something wrong here somewhere! 

    Linux is not a code base. Or a distro. Or a kernel. It's an attitude. And it's not about Open Source. It's about a bunch of people who still think vi is a good config UI.
  • 12-15-2007 5:04 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    Yahweh:

    The average user loses 80 IQ points in the face of a computer.

     

     And the brains shoud be the most sofisicated computers in exsistence. Those guys prove it wrong.

  • 12-15-2007 5:12 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    GettinSadda:
    Yahweh:

    Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family...

    <snip>

    My dad, a programmer,...

    Um, there is something wrong here somewhere! 

     

    I think, that they always call him instead dad.

  • 12-15-2007 5:56 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    Yahweh:

    Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family, I get tech support calls from my family all the time. I got a phonecall from a brother-in-law today:

    Him: Hey, you're good with computers right?

    Me: Yes.

    Him: And you know how to program computers?

    Me: Yes, thats my job actually.

    Him: Could you explain programming please?

    Me: I'm sorry, what do you mean?

    Him: I want to make a game like Halo, but I don't know how to start. Could you explain what I need to do?

    Me: You should probably go to the library and get a book.

    Him: Can you just tell me what I need to do?

    Me: Wait a minute. Are you asking me to explain how to program computers?

    Him: Yeah.

    Me: Over the phone?

    Him: Yeah.

     

    My brother in law apparently made several unsuccessful attempt to "learn programming" by opening up exes in Notepad. He created a text file with the words "Morph the screen into something cool" and couldn't figure out how to run it, even had the balls to ask me "how do I install my program? Do I just put a shortcut on the desttop".

    My dad, a programmer, lent him an unfortunately titled book called "Teach Yourself Java in 24 hours". He immediately flipped to the back of the book and reading sections on server and Swing development, and was very excited to see that he could write his own server after just one day.

    In the end, I was unable to teach my brother in law how to make his own Halo over the phone, and he decided that I wasn't a very good programmer.

    Couldn't you just point out that it took a team of programmers, graphic designers, administrators and others years to develop Halo - and it changed both genres and platforms during development (showing that there is no straightforward process to follow)?

    If all else fails, give him one of those "game creator" packages and run... 

  • 12-15-2007 8:41 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    Wow. Even after reading this site for a while I am still unable to convince myself that such incompetence can exist. "Teach yourself programming in 15 minutes". Bleccchhh.
    At least he didn't ask you to send teh codez for Halo. There is a funny job ad in the sidebar: "Software, how hard can it be - it's just cut and paste anyway". 8=]

    GettinSadda:
    Yahweh:

    Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family...

    <snip>

    My dad, a programmer,...

    Um, there is something wrong here somewhere! 

    Well, that makes his dad a computer illiterate programmer. It's not such a rare occurrence, as evidenced by this site. 8=]

    ╩юфют√ь ёЄЁрэшЎрь яюЁр эр яхэёш■.

    #TDWTF @ SlashNET was merged into #codelove @ the same network. You're still welcome to drop by. I guess.
  • 12-15-2007 12:47 PM In reply to

    • Yahweh
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 05-21-2007
    • Posts 6

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    GettinSadda:
    Yahweh:

    Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family...

    <snip>

    My dad, a programmer,...

    Um, there is something wrong here somewhere! 

    Nothings wrong with it. I'm the only computer literate person in my family.

    My dad uses Perl, but he's completely computer illiterate. A few months ago, he was helping one of my sisters sign up for a class online; the only course required downloading a third party plugin to view certain parts of the site. After half a dozen unsuccessful attempts, he couldn't get the plugin installed, so he calls me up to see if I could troubleshoot the problem over the phone.

    He downloads the program and clicks the next buttons, and then he says "ok, we always get to this screen, but we can't seem to get any further".
    Me: "What does the screen say."
    Dad: "It says please restart Internet Explorer to complete the installation."
    Me: "Alright, so do that."
    Dad: "... ... ... @#$@% a stupid message popped up saying the installation was cancelled."
    Me: "Did you restart the browser?"
    Dad: "No, I clicked cancel."
    Me: *sigh*

  • 12-16-2007 12:46 AM In reply to

    • Cybis
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 12-16-2007
    • Posts 1

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    Instead of learning Java, your brother in law might prefer purchasing a copy of Unreal 3 - a game which, I believe, comes with a level editor, a personal version of Maya, and he can learn Unreal Script to make his own mods. Also tell him about the "$1,000,000 Make Something Unreal" contest. This should inspire him, show him the true difficulty of game development, and provide a quicker return-on-investment of his time if he's so interested in game development.
  • 12-16-2007 5:47 AM In reply to

    • emurphy
    • Top 75 Contributor
    • Joined on 01-14-2005
    • Granada Hills, CA
    • Posts 511

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    Yahweh:
    GettinSadda:
    Yahweh:

    Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family...

    <snip>

    My dad, a programmer,...

    Um, there is something wrong here somewhere! 

    Nothings wrong with it. I'm the only computer literate person in my family.

    My dad uses Perl, but he's completely computer illiterate. A few months ago, he was helping one of my sisters sign up for a class online; the only course required downloading a third party plugin to view certain parts of the site. After half a dozen unsuccessful attempts, he couldn't get the plugin installed, so he calls me up to see if I could troubleshoot the problem over the phone.

    He downloads the program and clicks the next buttons, and then he says "ok, we always get to this screen, but we can't seem to get any further".
    Me: "What does the screen say."
    Dad: "It says please restart Internet Explorer to complete the installation."
    Me: "Alright, so do that."
    Dad: "... ... ... @#$@% a stupid message popped up saying the installation was cancelled."
    Me: "Did you restart the browser?"
    Dad: "No, I clicked cancel."
    Me: *sigh*

     

    How the hell can someone use Perl in any non-WTF fashion and still pull boners like the above?  Does he just have a huge blind spot wrt GUIs or something?

     

  • 12-16-2007 8:41 AM In reply to

    • Iago
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 01-12-2006
    • Posts 158

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    emurphy:
    How the hell can someone use Perl in any non-WTF fashion
    Hold on there, I think you just answered your own question.
  • 12-16-2007 6:20 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    Yahweh:

     The average user loses 80 IQ points in the face of a computer.

    Agreed, some people get on the negative side actually - they are close to offering Him (the Lord Computer) some donuts just to stay away from them and in case it decides to bite something :) 

  • 12-16-2007 7:04 PM In reply to

    • RayS
    • Top 50 Contributor
    • Joined on 01-22-2005
    • Posts 720

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    GettinSadda:
    Yahweh:

    Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family...

    <snip>

    My dad, a programmer,...

    Um, there is something wrong here somewhere! 

     Well, Yahweh always did wonder why while he was black, his parents were both white. Recently though, he's figured out that they're not really his family, but never got out of the habit of calling the guy 'dad'. That's the only explanation that I can think of!

     

    That aside, I'm surprised that there are people who *haven't* experienced this sort of thing. While teach me to program over the phone in 5 minutes is worse than normal, it's probably only slightly so. Exactly 96% of IT professionals have had a friend/family member have had a similar absurdity. Bonus points for the person in question not having a computer, or the issue being completely out of your field of expertise, but "that doesn't matter, it's all just computers, isn't it?"

    EULA: By reading this post and associated disclaimer, you are consenting to agree with the opinions disclosed within. If you disagree with this license agreement, you may not return it for a refund.
  • 12-16-2007 7:18 PM In reply to

    • RayS
    • Top 50 Contributor
    • Joined on 01-22-2005
    • Posts 720

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    nsimeonov:
    Yahweh:

     The average user loses 80 IQ points in the face of a computer.

    Agreed, some people get on the negative side actually - they are close to offering Him (the Lord Computer) some donuts just to stay away from them and in case it decides to bite something :) 

    In addition to the dumbifying effect, words in a little grey box with buttons at the bottom become pictographs that look like English [insert language of choice] words only through some bizarre cosmic coincidence. Instead of realising that these squiggles actually *are* words, they will instead email helpdesk with:

     

    Hi my computer is trying to trick me with a visual puzzle. There are currently symbols on the screen that look like the words "Are", "you", "sure", "that", "you", "want", "to", "delete", "this", and "file". there's also a squiggle at the end that looks like a question mark, and two buttons at the bottom that have more squiggles on them which I can only describe as lookiing like the words "yes" and "no". If it helps I can fax you a copy of the screen, because as I say, I'm just saying what they look like, I'm not sure what these arcane symbols actually mean.

    Please advise further. All I am trying to do is delete this old file with last year's sales figures in.
    PS I'm a really really really important CEO so you have to fix this buggy virus in 5 minutes, or you're all fired.
     

    EULA: By reading this post and associated disclaimer, you are consenting to agree with the opinions disclosed within. If you disagree with this license agreement, you may not return it for a refund.
  • 12-17-2007 6:24 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    RayS:
    Exactly 96% of IT professionals have had a friend/family member have had a similar absurdity. Bonus points for the person in question not having a computer, or the issue being completely out of your field of expertise, but "that doesn't matter, it's all just computers, isn't it?"
     

    Oh, I got one of those:

    I was visiting distant relatives of my wife and they asked what my occupation was. When they heard I was actually a programmer, they exchanged meaningful glances. "Well, with you being a programmer, I'm sure you will be able to program the VCR in the bedroom, right?"

    "Sure, no problem." I responded, while my wife tried to hide her embarrassment. Heh, funny old folks. They gave me a cigarette holder as a thank you gift. Great, now I have a place to put them if I start smoking again.

  • 12-17-2007 8:15 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    burntfuse:
    Strange, I've never heard of something that extreme happening to anyone before.  Maybe this comes from too many "we're engineers, we can build a supercomputer to defeat the bad guys in 10 minutes with the spare parts in this room" scenes in movies.

    If the little girl in Jurassic Park can use an ancient linux version with a 3D GUI, then you should be able to tell someone how to program over the phone. In fact this should extend to other specialties.

    "Hello? are you a doctor? Could you tell me how to diagnose and treat myself?"

    On a side note on hollywood stupidity I saw a CSI episode the other day where they plug in a suspect's confiscated laptop and it promptly start to delete its hard drive to hide any evidence. The following dialog ensues:

    "It's deleting the hard drive! They have connected to it from the internet and activated a program"

    "Stop it!"

    "I can't, I'm locked out".

     

    For f*ck's sake...
     

  • 12-17-2007 8:19 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    jsolisre:

    RayS:
    Exactly 96% of IT professionals have had a friend/family member have had a similar absurdity. Bonus points for the person in question not having a computer, or the issue being completely out of your field of expertise, but "that doesn't matter, it's all just computers, isn't it?"
     

    Oh, I got one of those:

    I was visiting distant relatives of my wife and they asked what my occupation was. When they heard I was actually a programmer, they exchanged meaningful glances. "Well, with you being a programmer, I'm sure you will be able to program the VCR in the bedroom, right?"

    "Sure, no problem." I responded, while my wife tried to hide her embarrassment. Heh, funny old folks. They gave me a cigarette holder as a thank you gift. Great, now I have a place to put them if I start smoking again.

    You're lucky. I usually don't get anything but a coffee or tea and questions like "I'd like to buy a new computer, what would you suggest, Windows or Dell?" No cigarette holder. Ever. 

  • 12-17-2007 9:11 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    nsimeonov:

    offering Him (the Lord Computer) some donuts just to stay away from them and in case it decides to bite something :) 

    Nominated for quote of the week

    TAGS ... while looking for the quote of the week tag, I found the first one. 

    SpectateSwamp exposing aliens. Obviously the World needs SSDS


    [10:07] <fatdog> so from now on.. be sure to wear nice clean underwear
    [10:07] <mps> fatdog: That is simply not going to happen
  • 12-17-2007 9:47 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    Your brother-in-law should get a job programming in India.  He'd fit in perfectly!
  • 12-17-2007 11:36 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    DOA:

    On a side note on hollywood stupidity I saw a CSI episode the other day where they plug in a suspect's confiscated laptop and it promptly start to delete its hard drive to hide any evidence. The following dialog ensues:

    "It's deleting the hard drive! They have connected to it from the internet and activated a program"

    "Stop it!"

    "I can't, I'm locked out".

    I wonder if there is a repository for such Hollywood computer idiocy?  Did you see the one featuring Prince of Persia?  It's so bad that it's absolutely hysterical.

    Video... 

    "Frames securely mediate, by design. Secure multi-mediation is the future of all webbing."
  • 12-17-2007 1:27 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    djork:
    DOA:

    On a side note on hollywood stupidity I saw a CSI episode the other day where they plug in a suspect's confiscated laptop and it promptly start to delete its hard drive to hide any evidence. The following dialog ensues:

    "It's deleting the hard drive! They have connected to it from the internet and activated a program"

    "Stop it!"

    "I can't, I'm locked out".

    I wonder if there is a repository for such Hollywood computer idiocy?  Did you see the one featuring Prince of Persia?  It's so bad that it's absolutely hysterical.

    Video... 

    That hurt my brain.

  • 12-17-2007 1:41 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    My mother constantly calls me long-distance to fix all sorts of "problems" on her computer.  The worse was the one time the virus detector found a virus but couldn't delete it.  She called me up, explaining the situation.  I managed to get her to figure out the file in question.  We then looked for the file in Windows Explorer, but only found more directories, no files.  I am thinking some sort of root-kit or something and start getting concerned.  After about an hour, realizing that it wasn't a root-kit, I had my mom read back the filename letter-by-letter.  She spells it out, ending with "dot-dot-dot".

     "Is the 'dot-dot-dot' important?"

     grrrr....
     

  • 12-17-2007 3:07 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    I saw him over at a programming forum I moderate. He has it all on paper now, he just needs someone to do the easy part: the development and the graphics. He's offering a % of the idea in return. I'm thinking if I can get 50% of the idea from him and put it in the oven at 350 degrees for 45 minutes I'll have a half baked idea.
    There are three kinds of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.
  • 12-17-2007 3:11 PM In reply to

    • dlikhten
    • Top 50 Contributor
    • Joined on 09-27-2007
    • New York Citeyah
    • Posts 670

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    Yahweh:

    Being a programmer and the only computer literate person in my family, I get tech support calls from my family all the time. I got a phonecall from a brother-in-law today:

    Him: Hey, you're good with computers right?

    Me: Yes.

    Him: And you know how to program computers?

    Me: Yes, thats my job actually.

    Him: Could you explain programming please?

    Me: I'm sorry, what do you mean?

    Him: I want to make a game like Halo, but I don't know how to start. Could you explain what I need to do?

    Me: You should probably go to the library and get a book.

    Him: Can you just tell me what I need to do?

    Me: Wait a minute. Are you asking me to explain how to program computers?

    Him: Yeah.

    Me: Over the phone?

    Him: Yeah.

     

    My brother in law apparently made several unsuccessful attempt to "learn programming" by opening up exes in Notepad. He created a text file with the words "Morph the screen into something cool" and couldn't figure out how to run it, even had the balls to ask me "how do I install my program? Do I just put a shortcut on the desttop".

    My dad, a programmer, lent him an unfortunately titled book called "Teach Yourself Java in 24 hours". He immediately flipped to the back of the book and reading sections on server and Swing development, and was very excited to see that he could write his own server after just one day.

    In the end, I was unable to teach my brother in law how to make his own Halo over the phone, and he decided that I wasn't a very good programmer.

     

    Dude, you are AWESOME! That is by far the best story on this site. (no sarcasm)

    Code is like a box of chocolates. You never know who stuck a turd in there and why.
    The Stupidest Man On Earth
    SSDS Bug: Program should not start up
  • 12-17-2007 3:59 PM In reply to

    • clively
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 10-04-2007
    • Dallas, TX
    • Posts 130

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    plz email me teh codez.

    I want write game 2.

     

    ----------------
  • 12-17-2007 4:44 PM In reply to

    • skippy
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 03-10-2006
    • Calgary, AB
    • Posts 190

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    DOA:
    djork:
    DOA:

    On a side note on hollywood stupidity I saw a CSI episode the other day where they plug in a suspect's confiscated laptop and it promptly start to delete its hard drive to hide any evidence. The following dialog ensues:

    "It's deleting the hard drive! They have connected to it from the internet and activated a program"

    "Stop it!"

    "I can't, I'm locked out".

    I wonder if there is a repository for such Hollywood computer idiocy?  Did you see the one featuring Prince of Persia?  It's so bad that it's absolutely hysterical.

    Video... 

    That hurt my brain.

    Reminded me of the worst hollywood quote I ever heard.  From "The Lone Gunmen":

    http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/lonegunmen/season1/thelonegunmen-107.htm
     

    Search for "Linux"
  • 12-17-2007 5:02 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    Wow that's bad, even by Hollywood standards.  This clip from The Core is short but sweet, and makes just a little sense.


    EDIT: I found another clip from that scene.

  • 12-17-2007 5:11 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    Whoops, sorry.  My reply above was meant to be in reply to djork's video link, but I hit "reply" instead of "quote".  Why does this forum software have a reply button AND a quote button anyway?  Couldn't there just be one that automatically quoted, like every other forum software, and then you could remove the quote if you didn't want it?  Also, sorry for double-posting but my editing time limit expired.
  • 12-17-2007 5:29 PM In reply to

    • operagost
    • Top 150 Contributor
    • Joined on 03-19-2007
    • Pennsylvania, USA
    • Posts 314

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    skippy:

    Reminded me of the worst hollywood quote I ever heard.  From "The Lone Gunmen":

    http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/lonegunmen/season1/thelonegunmen-107.htm
     

    Search for "Linux"

    FROHIKE: Wow! Way to go, Peanuts.

    (When PEANUTS types, we hear Edward Woodward's voice speaking the words.)

    PEANUTS: Please stop addressing me by my slave name.

    YVES: How do you prefer we address you?

    (The laptop's screen shows the words being typed.)

    PEANUTS: By the name I have given myself: Simon White-Thatch Potentloins.

     

  • 12-17-2007 5:49 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    Send me teh codez plz.
  • 12-18-2007 9:56 AM In reply to

    • KenW
    • Top 100 Contributor
    • Joined on 07-19-2005
    • Posts 429

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    Mr.Radar:
    Why does this forum software have a reply button AND a quote button anyway?  Couldn't there just be one that automatically quoted, like every other forum software, and then you could remove the quote if you didn't want it?  Also, sorry for double-posting but my editing time limit expired.

    Why is it that you can't figure out that to quote, you use the "Quote" button? Why should the software be dumbed down because you can't read and/or control your mouse pointer?

    There are obviously two different buttons for Reply and Quote for those of us intelligent enough to choose which we actually want to do, and coordinated enough to click on the button that does that for us.
     

  • 12-18-2007 9:04 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    djork:
    DOA:

    On a side note on hollywood stupidity I saw a CSI episode the other day where they plug in a suspect's confiscated laptop and it promptly start to delete its hard drive to hide any evidence. The following dialog ensues:

    "It's deleting the hard drive! They have connected to it from the internet and activated a program"

    "Stop it!"

    "I can't, I'm locked out".

    I wonder if there is a repository for such Hollywood computer idiocy?  Did you see the one featuring Prince of Persia?  It's so bad that it's absolutely hysterical.

    Video... 

    OMFG.  That is the dumbest thing I've seen, in like, EVAR!!!
     

  • 12-19-2007 6:23 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    My brother in law apparently made several unsuccessful attempt to "learn programming" by opening up exes in Notepad. He created a text file with the words "Morph the screen into something cool" and couldn't figure out how to run it, even had the balls to ask me "how do I install my program? Do I just put a shortcut on the desttop".

     

    Just tell him to create a text file with the words "make game". :P

    A monk asked Joshu: isTrue(dog.hasBuddhaNature()) ?
    Joshu replied: FILENOTFOUND
  • 12-19-2007 1:31 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    Arancaytar:

    My brother in law apparently made several unsuccessful attempt to "learn programming" by opening up exes in Notepad. He created a text file with the words "Morph the screen into something cool" and couldn't figure out how to run it, even had the balls to ask me "how do I install my program? Do I just put a shortcut on the desttop".

     

    Just tell him to create a text file with the words "make game". :P

    In the good old days of Mechanical Turk-based computing, that approach worked fine.  Try and do that with your fancy modern technology!
     

  • 12-19-2007 6:21 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    RayS:
    nsimeonov:
    Yahweh:

     The average user loses 80 IQ points in the face of a computer.

    Agreed, some people get on the negative side actually - they are close to offering Him (the Lord Computer) some donuts just to stay away from them and in case it decides to bite something :) 

    In addition to the dumbifying effect, words in a little grey box with buttons at the bottom become pictographs that look like English [insert language of choice] words only through some bizarre cosmic coincidence. Instead of realising that these squiggles actually *are* words, they will instead email helpdesk with:

     

    Hi my computer is trying to trick me with a visual puzzle. There are currently symbols on the screen that look like the words "Are", "you", "sure", "that", "you", "want", "to", "delete", "this", and "file". there's also a squiggle at the end that looks like a question mark, and two buttons at the bottom that have more squiggles on them which I can only describe as lookiing like the words "yes" and "no". If it helps I can fax you a copy of the screen, because as I say, I'm just saying what they look like, I'm not sure what these arcane symbols actually mean.

    Please advise further. All I am trying to do is delete this old file with last year's sales figures in.
    PS I'm a really really really important CEO so you have to fix this buggy virus in 5 minutes, or you're all fired.
     

     

    lol, nice one too true.  I really like this typical conversation

    user: "Oh you know computers, how do i use *some shitty software that came with my camera*"

    Me: "Nope, i've never heard of it and know nothing about it.  I'm a computer programmer not a tech support guy"

    user: "But i thought you knew computers"

    Me: "Do you really think at university or in my professional life i would ever have been shown or used the software for *some cheap model of camera*" 

    I get this all the time my standarad response is:

    Would you get a GP to do complicated eye surgery because you thought he "knew all that medical stuff"?

    I remember one guy who was really cut and said something like "What do you they teach you in these university courses then?" when i couldn't fix some lame problem he was having with word.  Then proceded to ignore my explanation that as a programmer i never use word and know nothing about it and that when i do need to i use open office because i'm not a big enough sucker to spend $500 dollars on something i don't even know how to use properly.  Then i turned around and walked out.

     

    If i put the word "Nazi" here does that mean i automatically Godwin every thread i post in?
  • 12-20-2007 8:29 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    element[0]:

    lol, nice one too true.  I really like this typical conversation

    user: "Oh you know computers, how do i use *some shitty software that came with my camera*"

    Me: "Nope, i've never heard of it and know nothing about it.  I'm a computer programmer not a tech support guy"

    user: "But i thought you knew computers"

    Me: "Do you really think at university or in my professional life i would ever have been shown or used the software for *some cheap model of camera*" 

    I get this all the time my standarad response is:

    Would you get a GP to do complicated eye surgery because you thought he "knew all that medical stuff"?

    I remember one guy who was really cut and said something like "What do you they teach you in these university courses then?" when i couldn't fix some lame problem he was having with word.  Then proceded to ignore my explanation that as a programmer i never use word and know nothing about it and that when i do need to i use open office because i'm not a big enough sucker to spend $500 dollars on something i don't even know how to use properly.  Then i turned around and walked out.

     

     

    If wonder how much this extends to other professions...

    "Oh, so you're an engineer. We have a problem with this bridge, do you know what's wrong?"

    "Nope, I'm a marine engineer, I deal with boats not bridges. In fact I know very little about bridge design" 

    "I don't see what the problem is, this bridge is over water. What do you they teach you in these university courses then?" 

  • 12-20-2007 8:54 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    DOA:
    I don't see what the problem is, this bridge is over water

    OMGROFL. That is all.

    A monk asked Joshu: isTrue(dog.hasBuddhaNature()) ?
    Joshu replied: FILENOTFOUND
  • 12-20-2007 10:11 AM In reply to

    • clively
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on 10-04-2007
    • Dallas, TX
    • Posts 130

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    DOA:
    "I don't see what the problem is, this bridge is over water. What do you they teach you in these university courses then?" 

    beautiful.

    ----------------
  • 12-20-2007 11:04 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    DOA:

     If wonder how much this extends to other professions...

    "Oh, so you're an engineer. We have a problem with this bridge, do you know what's wrong?"

    "Nope, I'm a marine engineer, I deal with boats not bridges. In fact I know very little about bridge design" 

    "I don't see what the problem is, this bridge is over water. What do you they teach you in these university courses then?" 

     As an Electrical Engineer, I can tell you yes, it happens on both sides of my profession (EE, and SE).

     I don't have a neat, clever little exchange to give as an example though. Sadly, this kind of stuff is the norm, I will have to start paying attention to it again and jot down a few exchanges.

  • 12-20-2007 11:41 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    MasterPlanSoftware:
    DOA:

     If wonder how much this extends to other professions...

    "Oh, so you're an engineer. We have a problem with this bridge, do you know what's wrong?"

    "Nope, I'm a marine engineer, I deal with boats not bridges. In fact I know very little about bridge design" 

    "I don't see what the problem is, this bridge is over water. What do you they teach you in these university courses then?" 

     As an Electrical Engineer, I can tell you yes, it happens on both sides of my profession (EE, and SE).

    As a software engineer working as a sysadmin, I am forever pestered by people who think that I should also understand electrical engineering. Or telephone systems. Or cable TV. Or Excel.

  • 12-20-2007 12:10 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    asuffield:
    MasterPlanSoftware:
    DOA:

     If wonder how much this extends to other professions...

    "Oh, so you're an engineer. We have a problem with this bridge, do you know what's wrong?"

    "Nope, I'm a marine engineer, I deal with boats not bridges. In fact I know very little about bridge design" 

    "I don't see what the problem is, this bridge is over water. What do you they teach you in these university courses then?" 

     As an Electrical Engineer, I can tell you yes, it happens on both sides of my profession (EE, and SE).

    As a software engineer working as a sysadmin, I am forever pestered by people who think that I should also understand electrical engineering. Or telephone systems. Or cable TV. Or Excel.

    Guess it is time to team up... like Voltron! [wikipedia.com]

  • 12-20-2007 1:08 PM In reply to

    • c-pit
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 12-20-2007
    • Posts 1

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    Yahweh:

    <snip>

    My dad uses Perl, but he's completely computer illiterate.

    <snip>

    Dad: "... ... ... @#$@% a stupid message popped up saying the installation was cancelled."


    Your dad uses Perl to *speak* to you? That's awesome.

  • 12-21-2007 11:43 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact

    MasterPlanSoftware:
    As an Electrical Engineer, I can tell you yes, it happens on both sides of my profession (EE, and SE).

    SE...  Social Engineering?

  • 12-21-2007 2:00 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    GalacticCowboy:

    MasterPlanSoftware:
    As an Electrical Engineer, I can tell you yes, it happens on both sides of my profession (EE, and SE).

    SE...  Social Engineering?

    Or... Software Engineering...

  • 12-22-2007 12:38 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    skippy:

    Reminded me of the worst hollywood quote I ever heard.  From "The Lone Gunmen":

    http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/lonegunmen/season1/thelonegunmen-107.htm
     

    Search for "Linux"

     

    I don't see why that's that bad. Aside from the fact that GTA can't run on Linux, most of the stuff there is in the plausibility range. After all, downloading programs in Linux *is* done with one command through the command line, and while "apt-get install festival" is not quite gibberishy, "urpmi festival" is. In fact, ignoring computer-using monkeys, that scene was entirely plausible.
     

  • 12-22-2007 1:28 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    djork:
    I wonder if there is a repository for such Hollywood computer idiocy?  Did you see the one featuring Prince of Persia?  It's so bad that it's absolutely hysterical.

    Video... 

    Doesn't take Hollywood for something as stupid as that. A German police show ("Tatort") depicted the IRC channel of Kanotix (a Linux live distro) as a gathering point of pedophiles. The story behind it? Well, they were doing an episode about paedophiles organizing themselves in chatrooms. Since they needed some IRC footage, they joined a random channel and filmed that. The result is that the show proudly presented Freenode's #kanotix as a pedo hangout. Oh, and they read out the user names of users in the channel. And showed IP addresses. Brillant.

    Of course, YouTube has a video

  • 12-22-2007 2:04 PM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    j6cubic:
    djork:
    I wonder if there is a repository for such Hollywood computer idiocy?  Did you see the one featuring Prince of Persia?  It's so bad that it's absolutely hysterical.

    Video... 

    Doesn't take Hollywood for something as stupid as that. A German police show ("Tatort") depicted the IRC channel of Kanotix (a Linux live distro) as a gathering point of pedophiles. The story behind it? Well, they were doing an episode about paedophiles organizing themselves in chatrooms. Since they needed some IRC footage, they joined a random channel and filmed that. The result is that the show proudly presented Freenode's #kanotix as a pedo hangout. Oh, and they read out the user names of users in the channel. And showed IP addresses. Brillant.

    I'd describe that as "a lawsuit waiting to happen". Here in the UK you could get jail time for doing something that stupid. 

  • 12-22-2007 2:44 PM In reply to

    • RayS
    • Top 50 Contributor
    • Joined on 01-22-2005
    • Posts 720

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    j6cubic:
    Doesn't take Hollywood for something as stupid as that. A German police show ("Tatort") depicted the IRC channel of Kanotix (a Linux live distro) as a gathering point of pedophiles. The story behind it? Well, they were doing an episode about paedophiles organizing themselves in chatrooms. Since they needed some IRC footage, they joined a random channel and filmed that. The result is that the show proudly presented Freenode's #kanotix as a pedo hangout. Oh, and they read out the user names of users in the channel. And showed IP addresses. Brillant.

    Of course, YouTube has a video

    The production funding by Microsoft was purely coincidental!

    Still, if Hollywood has taught me anything, encryption isn't broken by brute force, or vulnerability discovery. No, it's broken by someone typing really really fast with a gun pointed at their head for another 20% skill bonus.

    EULA: By reading this post and associated disclaimer, you are consenting to agree with the opinions disclosed within. If you disagree with this license agreement, you may not return it for a refund.
  • 12-26-2007 8:04 AM In reply to

    Re: "Could You Explain Programming Please"

    Locked Reply Contact
    RayS:
    j6cubic:
    Doesn't take Hollywood for something as stupid as that. A German police show ("Tatort") depicted the IRC channel of Kanotix (a Linux live distro) as a gathering point of pedophiles. The story behind it? Well, they were doing an episode about paedophiles organizing themselves in chatrooms. Since they needed some IRC footage, they joined a random channel and filmed that. The result is that the show proudly presented Freenode's #kanotix as a pedo hangout. Oh, and they read out the user names of users in the channel. And showed IP addresses. Brillant.

    Of course, YouTube has a video

    The production funding by Microsoft was purely coincidental!

    Still, if Hollywood has taught me anything, encryption isn't broken by brute force, or vulnerability discovery. No, it's broken by someone typing really really fast with a gun pointed at their head for another 20% skill bonus.

    And being given a blowjob at the same time. 

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