I originally submitted this as a WTF, but it didn't get posted.  I'm not really surprised - the thing is long, and meanders quite a bit.  I've put it here, though, complete with a couple edits for length and readability. (edit: after I finished I realized I made it slightly longer.  I am really really sorry.)

 The following story has had all names and companies changed to protect the desperately, desperately guilty.

A couple years ago I was in community college.  It probably wasn't WTFU, but it could have been WTF Community College - with the exception of one web design professor (who once told a guy to leave the classroom for building his final project in Frontpage) every IT-related instructor was utterly worthless.

Case in point:  I had completed Web Design I the previous year with Charlie, the aforementioned professor, and expectations were high.  Unfortunately for me, Charlie had reached mandatory retirement age and had been replaced by a relatively younger (still late middle-aged) fellow called Larry.

The first 30 minutes of the three-hour-long class was spent listening to Larry introduce himself and (naturally) brag about his qualifications.  He was on loan to my community college from Shepherd, a college which he claimed was one of the best (but which I had never heard of.)  From there, Larry smoothly switched to telling us how hard the rest of the course would be.  At 6:45, with fifteen minutes until the end of class, he opened the textbooks and told us to load Dreamweaver.

Larry spoke slowly, with a southern drawl that was all-too-common where I lived.  I followed his instructions literally for a while, until I realized that he was just reading from the textbook.  We were doing the first chapter exercise!

I thought it was a bit weird, but I shrugged it off.  He'd probably get to the real stuff next week; I was wrong.  For the next three months of class, he read directly from the textbook, occasionally stopping to help one of the several confused older people right-click with a smug expression.  I'm really astounded - he never deviated from the text once, not even in the bits where it re-explained what had been done two pages ago.

Of course, I haven't explained the worst part.  As time passed, he became more and more unfocused.  He would open class with long tangents about politics, the Armed Forces, cryptography (which he obviously knew nothing about) and consumer technology.  The crowning event was one class in which we made (literally) no progress;  he began by explaining how our President was the Best President Ever, that the Republican party was the best thing that happened to our Great Country other than our President, that the Coast Guard were a bunch of "wimps" who were too scared to join the "real marines," and that the CIA was just about the coolest thing ever.  The indian girl (who sat in the back) was looking distinctly uncomfortable by this point.

I think the madness finally took me when he bragged proudly about his new "Dell Dual Quad Xeon" system, which he evidently used at home for CAD.  I don't know what exactly a Quad Dual Xeon is (eight processors?) but I did check with Dell;  At that point (2004) they had never produced even a dual-core system.

Fast-forward to two nights before the final exam.  I'd procrastinated until then to complete my course project, a rebuild of a commercial website which he admitted in class he was getting paid for.  It was actually kind of clever - He took on web design projects he didn't have the talent to finish, and passed them on as graded assignments and submitted the best one to his client.  In addition to this, we were to complete the final chapter of the textbook and submit it for review.

I read the assignment, and my jaw hit the floor.  It involved basic database interaction, and creation of a simple web-based form to store and retrieve SQL records.  At the time it was a little beyond me, but I figured I could manage.

But, I realized, something didn't make sense.  The textbook, said that my instructor would provide the SQL server;  I had a SQL server set up for my own use, but I didn't think the course could count on every student doing that.  Larry hadn't mentioned anything in class, so I set up a test DB and emailed him:

Prof. Smith -

A database server is required for tutorial 9, I set one up for myself
- and if anyone else needs access to it during tomorrow's class,
they're welcome to use it as well.

The info is:
address:     ******.net
database:   itd210_catalyst
user:          itd210_catalyst
password:  ******

The current size limit on the DB is 10 MB, but if necessary I could
increase it - No idea why that would be needed, though.

-K

He replied four minutes later:

Kerin:

If you can demonstrate this chapter for about 20 minutes and how you
completed it by logging in and doing the PHP and MySQL I will give you extra
credit for the course.

Professor Smith

That was it - No mention of the other students.  I wrote back and said I'd do it, and I made some notes and a powerpoint to assist my delivery.

I got to class right on time, and one by one the students filed in until ten past - No sign of Larry.  Figuring that I'd get a head-start, I gave my demonstration.  I was thorough, explaining everything I'd done and how I'd figured out the bits I didn't understand.  I ended up running long - at least 30 minutes.  Toward the end, Larry entered, saying nothing.  He watched the rest of my demonstration, mouth slightly open.  I finished, and he congratulated me on a job well done and passed us our paper-printed tests.  I took mine, fudging more than I'd have liked to.  I think I scored a 73 - despite knowing what I was doing far better than my teacher, I've always been a horrible student.  The extra credit, however, somehow bumped me to a 95 - one point lower than the highest score, a kid I got along with okay who hung on Larry's every word and thought the man was god.  As I was leaving, the professor grabbed me.

"Do you have the Initech website project completely finished, too?"

I explain that I do.  I'd demonstrated it for him earlier, although I hadn't given him the source.

"Can I have that now?"

I explain that I'm running late and I've already stowed my flash drive, and that I'll email him.  I return home, and the next day find my grades on the university network - perfect.

Over the next few weeks, I received increasingly desperate emails from the man pleading for the site code.  Apparently his client was impatient.  Unfortunately, I completely and accidentally forgot to send them to him;  it's very lucky for me that he had already submitted my grade.

The corporate website has since gone down;  in addition to their horrible choice of contractor, they didn't have anything that anyone wanted to buy.  C'est la vie, I suppose.

That's the bulk of my story, but there are a few tidbits that I'm putting in footnote form in case I'm running too long:

Larry always bragged that when he needed to prove a point to a client, he'd buy them stuff.  His most memorable example involved a client who was continually unhappy with the color scheme; it turned out his monitor was somehow brown and purple instead of properly-hued.  Larry supposedly bought him a new computer, because (in his words) "$1000 is nothing to land a $7000 contract."

He also continually bragged about how many famous politicians he knew.  Evidently he's on a first-name basis with most of the congressmen and Dick Cheney.

Apparently, he also has an extensive network of contacts.  He used this network to "accelerate [Dave's] career" (his words, not mine - Dave was another guy in the class) by helping him skip the crap entry-level jobs and start higher up in the IT chain-of-command.  Dave's new job was data entry and taking dictation.
 

Lastchance:

That should be on the front page.

Seconded. 

Kerin:

Fast-forward to two nights before the final exam.  I'd procrastinated until then to complete my course project, a rebuild of a commercial website which he admitted in class he was getting paid for.  It was actually kind of clever - He took on web design projects he didn't have the talent to finish, and passed them on as graded assignments and submitted the best one to his client.

Pap:

Kerin:

Fast-forward to two nights before the final exam. I'd procrastinated until then to complete my course project, a rebuild of a commercial website which he admitted in class he was getting paid for. It was actually kind of clever - He took on web design projects he didn't have the talent to finish, and passed them on as graded assignments and submitted the best one to his client.

Can't you get him fired for that? You should have.

I actually kept a notebook of every WTF-esque thing he said or did, with the full intention of giving it to someone in charge.  I guess I don't know why I didn't - it was just that, by the time the class was over, I didn't want to think about it any more.  I was pretty lazy at that point in my life (case in point:  i spent most of that class playing Black & White and various SNES RPGs on my laptop, which is more or less why I would have gotten a C without my last-minute save.)

 Although for your particular example, I assumed that if he hadn't been fired for the homework contracting thing, it was likely okay with the higher-ups.

 
Edit:

RevEng:

Idiot in charge, the hero shows him up

 
Aw, shucks.
 

Front page.  This.  Now.  /poke Alex

If it were me, I probably would have called up Initech (the company that he was supposed to design the web site for) and let them know what he was up to.  It would've been more rewarding to see him get his contract terminated by the company, but your way was good too.  The series of panicked e-mails from him must have made your day for weeks on end.  Some people like that just deserve what they get.

Saladin:

The series of panicked e-mails from him must have made your day for weeks on end.

Nearly to the point of orgasm, actually.
 

I don't know what exactly a Quad Dual Xeon is (eight processors?) but I did check with Dell;  At that point (2004) they had never produced even a dual-core system.

I'm sure they were selling multi-processor workstation class machines at that point though.  Those were popular from '96 - '04 at least.  My best guess would be that he meant that the system had two P4 Xeons.
 

merreborn:

I don't know what exactly a Quad Dual Xeon is (eight processors?) but I did check with Dell;  At that point (2004) they had never produced even a dual-core system.

I'm sure they were selling multi-processor workstation class machines at that point though.  Those were popular from '96 - '04 at least.  My best guess would be that he meant that the system had two P4 Xeons.
 

If they did, Dell's site had nothing to say about them.  I checked everywhere - I was very thorough. 

 Edit:  Assuming I'm wrong, he's still retarded for not knowing the difference (and an obvious liar, as a college technology professor has no excuse not knowing what his computer is.)  I'm 99% sure I was right, though. 

   Edit Edit: http://news.com.com/Intels+dual-core+Xeon+makes+Dell+debut/2100-1010_3-5879468.html  I was right all along.  A relief!
 

Kerin:

Pap:

Kerin:

Fast-forward to two nights before the final exam. I'd procrastinated until then to complete my course project, a rebuild of a commercial website which he admitted in class he was getting paid for. It was actually kind of clever - He took on web design projects he didn't have the talent to finish, and passed them on as graded assignments and submitted the best one to his client.

Can't you get him fired for that? You should have.

 

I actually kept a notebook of every WTF-esque thing he said or did, with the full intention of giving it to someone in charge.  I guess I don't know why I didn't - it was just that, by the time the class was over, I didn't want to think about it any more.  I was pretty lazy at that point in my life (case in point:  i spent most of that class playing Black & White and various SNES RPGs on my laptop, which is more or less why I would have gotten a C without my last-minute save.)

 Although for your particular example, I assumed that if he hadn't been fired for the homework contracting thing, it was likely okay with the higher-ups.

Edit:

 

RevEng:

Idiot in charge, the hero shows him up

Aw, shucks.
 

Oh, I had a professor try to do that to us. When most of the classmates went to the direct superior, they were not really heard, even congratulated for getting a "real-life" project. Didn't even hear about "he's going to earn big money for it".

So I went for the big fish. I went straight up to the Engineering Dept. principal.

That's like, one step below the whole campus principal.

I really don't know to this day if it was how I managed the topic (as I took a different approach than my classmates): I didn't outright mention "that seems unethical" but based more my argument on time constraints, then added "and he's getting paid for it". Thing is, the "project" was cancelled.

Lastchance:

That should be on the front page.

 
Keep in mind Alex does a bunch of submissions (WTF's gone from 1 post to up to 3 posts a day!) so it may take him sometime to get to some of them.

That having been said, this is definitely worth being on the front page.
 

Jojosh_the_Pi:

Lastchance:

That should be on the front page.

Keep in mind Alex does a bunch of submissions (WTF's gone from 1 post to up to 3 posts a day!) so it may take him sometime to get to some of them.

That having been said, this is definitely worth being on the front page.
 

Just to clarify, it does indeed take quite a while. My current process involves taking a weekend to read through a month's worth of submission and schedule which ones will get published in the upcoming month.

Please be patient with your stories -- I do read each and every single one. In the event that it's a long story (like this one) and it doesn't make the cut, I'll email and advise to share it on the sidebar.