Today I found this job offer in monster.es

At least it's a funny way of filtering candidates

"salary ASC" is a nice touch.

TTD? Must be a new fad.

phynol:

TTD? Must be a new fad.

Maybe they're looking for someone really into Transport Tycoon Deluxe.

ubersoldat:

At least it's a funny way of filtering candidates

No it's not.

dhromed:

"salary ASC" is a nice touch.

Yeah but they left out "team player", "goal oriented" and "hit the ground running".

So if I have an excellent personality they'll pay me anything I want? I might just move to Munich for that.

 

AND 'tech.zend_framework' LIKE 'pro%'

My Zend skills are "problematic to say the least",so that makes me a perfect match for this job. Right?

Severity One:

 

AND 'tech.zend_framework' LIKE 'pro%'

My Zend skills are "problematic to say the least",so that makes me a perfect match for this job. Right?

I was going to say I 'promised not to touch it ever again'.

Btw, there is a bug on line 23. It should be:

$applicant = <<<EOD

 

 

Shoreline:

dhromed:

"salary ASC" is a nice touch.

Yeah but they left out "team player", "goal oriented" and "hit the ground running".

You must have overlooked "personality DESC". Didn't you take SQL-for-job-sites 101? Personality DESC sorts like this:

- team player

- senior

- quality oriented

- professional

- obstinate

- nerdy

- management fad sensitive

- intelligent

- hit the ground running

- highly intelligent

- goal oriented

ubersoldat:

At least it's a funny way of filtering candidates

If you want to work with nerdy German hermaphrodites...

TGV:

If you want to work with nerdy German hermaphrodites...

 

Why? What's wrong with that?

 So...  My '3 minutes' of work experience should put me in the running?

 I actually did 9 years, but those days are long behind me now.

dhromed:

"salary ASC" is a nice touch.

 

Yes, because nothing is more amenable to storing values such as "I don't know", "Flexible", "> 40k", "Will work for peanuts" than a LONGINT

 

daveime:

Yes, because nothing is more amenable to storing values such as "I don't know", "Flexible", "> 40k", "Will work for peanuts" than a LONGINT

 

The joke is that apparently they want to pay as little as humanly possible, but nice try.

dhromed:

TGV:

If you want to work with nerdy German hermaphrodites...

Why? What's wrong with that?

It's just disconcerting if you were expecting Polish lesbians.

boomzilla:

It's just disconcerting if you were expecting Polish lesbians.

 

"I've been had!"

"Yes, but not the way you think."

I wouldn't work there because of the PHP and the iMac.  What's so horrendous about the SQL?

I have 11 years experience in jqQuery (WHAT?), so I don't fit.

ubersoldat:

At least it's a funny way of filtering candidates

No. They were trying to make it funny. It is just sad and depressing.

What does "personality descending" imply? They want someone condescending? They want a robot? I don't get it.

blakeyrat:

What does "personality descending" imply? They want someone condescending? They want a robot? I don't get it.

order by foo desc usually implies you want to sort by foo largest value to smallest value, so someone with a high personality stat.

joe.edwards:

blakeyrat:

What does "personality descending" imply? They want someone condescending? They want a robot? I don't get it.

order by foo desc usually implies you want to sort by foo largest value to smallest value, so someone with a high personality stat.

I think they just want someone willing to bring their own office furniture.

It's their way of saying "personality is not a dump stat". As for "salary ASC", what happened to being valued based on correlation with your requested salary?

joe.edwards:

order by foo desc usually implies you want to sort by foo largest value to smallest value, so someone with a high personality stat.

... meaning? I'm sorry is "personality" something that can be measured from low to high now? What the fuck is this shit.

Would you guys say I have a "high" personality or a "low" one?

blakeyrat:

Would you guys say I have a "high" personality or a "low" one?

 

Nobody here has a high CHR stat.

 

Well, except for me.

dhromed:

Nobody here has a high CHR stat.

Charisma can be measured low to high, I'd be ok with that. What we're talking about is personality, where the concept makes no goddamned sense.

 We could argue and argue but in the end we end up with how stupid that SQL recruitment ad is, so let's just go make a sandwich.

These guys are laughing until they hire a person whose Zend Framework skills have the value, "Prohibited from Using at Current Job"

blakeyrat:

Would you guys say I have a "high" personality or a "low" one?

Definitely low.

 They are posting on Spanish Monster for a job in Germany.  I'll bet they are looking for refugees from the Spanish economy who don't know how expensive Munich is.  If the 'personality' attribute has two values (acceptable, not_acceptable) they will take the cheapest / most desperate.

RHuckster:

These guys are laughing until they hire a person whose Zend Framework skills have the value, "Prohibited from Using at Current Job"

 

Mine is "probiotic"

 

 

Lorne Kates:

RHuckster:

These guys are laughing until they hire a person whose Zend Framework skills have the value, "Prohibited from Using at Current Job"

Mine is "probiotic"

pronged purple dildo

verisimilidude:

If the 'personality' attribute has two values (acceptable, not_acceptable) they will take the cheapest / most desperate.

Of course.  That's why their query sorts the applicants by salary, in ascending order.

 

 

What strikes me most is that the return value of interview is not checked (and in case it throws an exception, the exception is not caught and another candidate tried) :D

$teamMember->setupWorkEnviroment( $this-
>addDevices('iMac')
                        ->addDevice('iOS')-

Who the fuck formats their code like this?

MiffTheFox:

$teamMember->setupWorkEnviroment( $this-
>addDevices('iMac')
                        ->addDevice('iOS')-

Who the fuck formats their code like this?

 

 

German Developer I think.

 

I dunno, I like the ad. Also, not sure if you guys are actually being pedantic dickweeds with all the "omg, joke SQL is not real SQL" or if that's some kind of a meta joke I don't get. :shrug:

veggen:

or if that's some kind of a meta joke I don't get.

All my posts are meta-jokes you don't get. Especially this one.

MiffTheFox:

$teamMember->setupWorkEnviroment( $this-
>addDevices('iMac')
                        ->addDevice('iOS')-

Who the fuck formats their code like this?

German hermaphrodites apparently!

veggen:

I dunno, I like the ad.

 

Nobody likes you.

I like how they want someone to work in Munich, but they rule out everyone who is fluent in German.

boh:

I like how they want someone to work in Munich, but they rule out everyone who is fluent in German.

It is dangerous to know too much in Munich.

Sutherlands:

What's so horrendous about the SQL?

The worst part is definitely the single quotes around what I guess are meant to be field references, turning them into simple string values. The query is going to do the wrong thing and the creators of it appear to have no concept of why. (Also, it seems odd that there's no constraint on PHPdev knowing PHP, but that's perhaps done at the view level. Bah! Who am I kidding? Views? What's that? </cynic>)

Good observation - I didn't spot those quotes in the SQL at first. Also, I have an issue with the first line. Can you actually redefine $this in PHP? Maybe they're in the global scope?  It's been a while.

boh:

I like how they want someone to work in Munich, but they rule out everyone who is fluent in German.

That means they don't want to hire Germans, which is, let's face it, perfectly understandable.

Lorne Kates:

Mine is "probiotic"

 'Profanities will follow whenever you mention that framework!'

 Let's see:

• $applicant = << SELECT * ... LIMIT 1
  They want to interview only one applicant!
• JOIN 'knows_concept'  ....  AND 'concept.OOP' = true
  If we forget about the apostrophes for a moment, this would mean they have modelled knowledge both as a relation / table and as separate columns for each knowledge.
  Normalization WTF!?!
• 'tech.jQquery' - wait what?
• $this->interview(applicant)  - What about the results of the interview? Or are they using dirty side-effects here?
• ->addDevices('iMac')
  ->addDevive('iOS')
  Both plural and singular form? 'iOS' is a device now?

 

dkf:

Sutherlands:

What's so horrendous about the SQL?

The worst part is definitely the single quotes around what I guess are meant to be field references, turning them into simple string values. The query is going to do the wrong thing and the creators of it appear to have no concept of why. (Also, it seems odd that there's no constraint on PHPdev knowing PHP, but that's perhaps done at the view level. Bah! Who am I kidding? Views? What's that? </cynic>)

Subtle! I'm interviewing a SQL developer candidate this afternoon, and will be printing this out for the puzzles-n-stuff part of the interview.

Better than my usual "tack our production database schema to the wall and print a stored procedure listing, and if the candidate doesn't attempt to flee, they aren't qualified" technique, anyway.

no laughing matter:

• ->addDevices('iMac')
  ->addDevive('iOS')
  Both plural and singular form? 'iOS' is a device now?

addDevice really means addOperatingSystem. They made the mistake in naming it addDevice instead and now it's too late to change it. When they wanted to add a function for actually adding a device they had to call it addDevices.

MiffTheFox:

addDevice really means addOperatingSystem. They made the mistake in naming it addDevice instead and now it's too late to change it. When they wanted to add a function for actually adding a device they had to call it addDevices.

 

Just wait until you see the other functions: newAddDevices, newRealAddDevices, realAddDevices, devicesRealAddNew and realNewAddDevicesAndWeMeanItThisTime.

DCRoss:

Just wait until you see the other functions: newAddDevices, newRealAddDevices, realAddDevices, devicesRealAddNew and realNewAddDevicesAndWeMeanItThisTime.

Nawww, it'd be addDevicesEx and addDevices2Ex. And, given that it's PHP, devices_addEx_2, and exAdd_device_s.