We haven't done one of these in awhile: Constellation-Seven!

blakeyrat

pbean

------->>>>>>> 800 X 600 PX Browsers - CLICK VIEW - ZOOM OUT TWICE FOR BEST VIEWING - MIZPAH - > PLEASE READ SLOWLY < - Please wait for each page to load properly. Turn up the volume. Intense multimedia website. Be enthralled. Please be patient with each pageload - Pages will appear. Status bar messages explain page details - > Please enable them with javascript < - Safe Christian Site - > Mozilla / Firefox friendly Site for speed. IE loads / sticks more slowly but better graphics < - God Bless you Deeply - > Truly < - In JESUS - > AMEN < - Enjoy !!! ALLELUIA and HALLELUJAH <<<<<<<-------

Awesome, indeed. I especially like that box shrink effect. This is now my favourite web site.

ekolis

Wow... THREE plugin alerts: Quicktime, Java, and Windows Media Player... wonder why they need all three?

C_Octothorpe

I'm BLIND!!!!!

atipico

@blakeyrat said:

This website is awesome!

That's nothing. This is the true power of webdesign. ~~Behold: www.yvettesbridalformal.com~~

The site is gone. I'm so sad. It was the most perfect experience someone could have in terms of browsing a website. It would change your life forever, it was unforgettable.

Lorne Kates

@atipico said:

~~Behold: www.yvettesbridalformal.com~~

Behold! [url=http://web.archive.org/web/20110209002540/http://yvettesbridalformal.com/]http://web.archive.org/web/20110209002540/http://yvettesbridalformal.com/[/url]

On a side note: fuck you for posting that.

DrBen

@C-Octothorpe said:

I'm BLIND!!!!!

That's flash blindness. It's caused by bleaching of the pigment in the photoreceptor cells in your retina. It'll get better with time, depending on how high you've set your monitor's brightness.

RichP

@ekolis said:

Wow... THREE plugin alerts: Quicktime, Java, and Windows Media Player... wonder why they need all three?

The (un?)holy trinity of 90's tech web sites. Apropos for a Christian web site.

hunter9000

I came.

Someone_You_Know

In the tab bar, Chrome is displaying this website's title in a different font from all my other tabs.

Mcoder

I like how the page rolls. or better, how it fails to do so.

One needs a fervorous devotion to reach most of the text there.

ubersoldat

Did any one tried to mouse-over the left menu? There's a different background for each button. Crazy shit!

havokk

Vincent Flanders, you have a new victim case-study.

esoterik

@RichP said:

@ekolis said:
Wow... THREE plugin alerts: Quicktime, Java, and Windows Media Player... wonder why they need all three?
The (un?)holy trinity of 90's tech web sites. Apropos for a ~~Christian~~ Cult web site.

FTFY

Leave the christains alone, Michelle Bachman, Sara Palin, and Pat "gays cause hurricanes" Robbertson have done enough damage to their reputation already. (not to mention several natorious tele-evangelalists.)

Ben L.

@esoterik said:

@RichP said:
@ekolis said:
Wow... THREE plugin alerts: Quicktime, Java, and Windows Media Player... wonder why they need all three?
The (un?)holy trinity of 90's tech web sites. Apropos for a Christian Cult web site.

FTFY
Leave the christains alone, Michelle Bachman, Sara Palin, and Pat "gays cause hurricanes" Robbertson have done enough damage to their reputation already. (not to mention several natorious tele-evangelalists.)

Not all cults have three dieties. However, all forms of christianity are cults. QED

Speakerphone_Dude

@Lorne Kates said:

@atipico said:
~~Behold: www.yvettesbridalformal.com~~

Behold! http://web.archive.org/web/20110209002540/http://yvettesbridalformal.com/
On a side note: fuck you for posting that.

You couldn't help but post the link. Schadenfreude alert!

orange_robot

If you can get past the searing pain in your retinas, the "Evidence" page has some gems:

THE BLOOD OF CHRIST ALSO FOUND & ANALYSED
DOWN INSIDE GOLGOTHA ONTO THE MERCY SEAT
NB : THIS BLOOD HAS ONLY 23 CHROMOSOMES

Scientific Blood Sample Analysis CONFIRMS only 23 Chromosomes,
PROVING Christ Only Had a Mother. The Missing 23 Chromosomes
Reveals JESUS As The Crucified Son Of God, With HIS Holy Blood
Dripping Down Through The Earthquake Crack Directly ONTO The
Mercy Seat Hidden By God Through Jeremiah Over 600 years earlier. "

ASheridan

@orange_robot said:

If you can get past the searing pain in your retinas, the "Evidence" page has some gems:

THE BLOOD OF CHRIST ALSO FOUND & ANALYSED
DOWN INSIDE GOLGOTHA ONTO THE MERCY SEAT
NB : THIS BLOOD HAS ONLY 23 CHROMOSOMES 

Scientific Blood Sample Analysis CONFIRMS only 23 Chromosomes,
PROVING Christ Only Had a Mother. The Missing 23 Chromosomes
Reveals JESUS As The Crucified Son Of God, With HIS Holy Blood
Dripping Down Through The Earthquake Crack Directly ONTO The
Mercy Seat Hidden By God Through Jeremiah Over 600 years earlier. "

Erm, wow. I can only assume that Jesus was actually a snail with Turners disease.

Anketam

@ASheridan said:

@orange_robot said:

If you can get past the searing pain in your retinas, the "Evidence" page has some gems:

Scientific Blood Sample Analysis CONFIRMS only 23 Chromosomes,
PROVING Christ Only Had a Mother. The Missing 23 Chromosomes
Reveals JESUS As The Crucified Son Of God, With HIS Holy Blood
Dripping Down Through The Earthquake Crack Directly ONTO The
Mercy Seat Hidden By God Through Jeremiah Over 600 years earlier. "

Erm, wow. I can only assume that Jesus was actually a snail with Turners disease.

As a Christian the 23 chromosome thing is so stupidly wrong. Jesus was a man, and so if he only had 23 chromosomes, then he would only have 1 X chromosome and no Y chromosome and thus not a man. They apparently missed the passages saying he was fully man, what part of fully do they not understand.

I am a member of a Baptist church and I have to say the site does a poor job of pointing out the flaws that Baptists have. Here is what they say:@rainbow website said:

A). forbidding Speaking In Tongues and Prophesying
and marginalising people who Truly Move In The
Other Seven Gifts Of The Holy Spirit.

B). Very rigid refusal to accept that God Continued
to Work in His Church AFTER AD 100 in the exact same
manner He Worked FROM AD 33.5 to AD100.

C). staunch, isolationist opposition towards points A & B above.

Realistically, the website should accuse the Baptist church of gluttony (we love our fried chicken) and requiring members and staff to abstain from drinking alcohol. As far as item B, we believe God works in a variety of ways, and different methods should be used in different ages and cultures. I mean we have computers now which were not present back then, does that mean Christians should not use the web to spread the gospel?

As for other comments about the site...

wow I dont even think the Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat could even touch this.
love the fire elemental in the upper left (have to be mousing over salvation), damn pagans
love the all caps abuse
love the scanned images of random documents, they are only missing the wooden table
love the "Please do NOT Click The LARGE CENTRE PLAY ARROW BELOW", guess what that makes me want to do
found one sentence that used 10 different font colors.
interesting dripping blood banner, would be over the top in its own right, but seems kind of weak when compared to everything else on the page
found several parts with passages in Chinese (or Japanese)
found an awesome gif of a demon getting smashed by a bible
they are based out of Hong Kong (that explains a lot)

Anketam

@esoterik said:

Leave the christains alone, Michelle Bachman, Sara Palin, and Pat "gays cause hurricanes" Robbertson have done enough damage to their reputation already. (not to mention several natorious tele-evangelalists.)

Pat Robertson has an Old Testament understanding of how God's judgement works (aka the divine lightning and giant asteroids smashing cities to nothing, and occurs at the nation level), which really does not happen in this age. If God was going Old Testament style judgment on the US, it would be so horrific that there would be no question about it (like 1/3 of the US population dead). New Testament judgment is God turns people over to their own destruction, aka he removes their inhibitions and lets them destroy themselves in their own sin. So in the case of homosexuality God's judgement would be allowing them to be homosexual, without correcting them or convicting their conscious. Also if God was going to judge the US for sin I would place my bets on the source of that being the 53 million abortions, and not because of people being homosexual. When you compare US's # of abortions to the 11-17 million Nazis killed in the Holocaust that makes the US 3-4 times more likely to receive judgement.

Someone_You_Know

@Anketam said:

As a Christian the 23 chromosome thing is so stupidly wrong. Jesus was a man, and so if he only had 23 chromosomes, then he would only have 1 X chromosome and no Y chromosome and thus not a man. They apparently missed the passages saying he was fully man, what part of fully do they not understand.

Help out a non-Christian here. Isn't Jesus supposed to be some kind of supernatural being? Like...the son of god, or part of god, or something? If that's the case, then does he even chromosomes? If he does, surely he can have however many he wants?

dhromed

@Someone You Know said:

Help out a non-Christian here. Isn't Jesus supposed to be some kind of supernatural being?

The correct answer to that is fuck that shit let's grab something ot eat!

Xyro

@Someone You Know said:

Help out a non-Christian here. Isn't Jesus supposed to be some kind of supernatural being? Like...the son of god, or part of god, or something?

The teaching is that he was fully human, having all human limitations and weaknesses, yet nevertheless was God incarnate, as the sinless son of God. So, he should still have all the normal chromosomes and whatnot.

A common analogy would be if you, as an author of a book, wrote yourself into your own story. Except without the Mary Sue-ness. (Or maybe with it?) Except also in this book, the other characters are constantly speculating over your nature and presume everything that is bad happens because you're constantly displeased with them, except somehow during times of war when you'd obviously be on their side.

Or maybe it's more like if you programmed an NPC to exactly represent you, as best as the AI could interpret. And you knew cheat codes, and allowed your character to use them. And you also had to reprogram the AI to correct for a malevolent emergent behavior introduced by a disgruntled employee, yet had to reprogram them without restarting the game. And the only way to do that is if the AI let you inspect their state to be serialized off the server. Yeah, it's like that.

The initial takeaway should be that the ultimate supreme infinite power of the entire universe actually cares about puny earthlings that he became one in order to for us to relate to him better. (Unfortunately, this was not entirely welcome. We can save the death-on-the-cross part for later...)

blakeyrat

Why are we talking about this. Please stop.

Someone_You_Know

@dhromed said:

@Someone You Know said:
Help out a non-Christian here. Isn't Jesus supposed to be some kind of supernatural being?

The correct answer to that is fuck that shit let's grab something ot eat!

Well said. Lunch!

serguey123

@Xyro said:

Or maybe it's more like if you programmed an NPC to exactly represent you, as best as the AI could interpret. And you knew cheat codes, and allowed your character to use them. And you also had to reprogram the AI to correct for a malevolent emergent behavior introduced by a disgruntled employee, yet had to reprogram them without restarting the game. And the only way to do that is if the AI let you inspect their state to be serialized off the server. Yeah, it's like that

Ohh, this makes sense, we should totally write a bible from a dev's perpective

Masaaki_Hosoi

One of my personal favorites: www.siphawaii.com

Just puts you right in that shopping mood ;)

Anketam

@Xyro said:

@Someone You Know said:
Help out a non-Christian here. Isn't Jesus supposed to be some kind of supernatural being? Like...the son of god, or part of god, or something?
The teaching is that he was fully human, having all human limitations and weaknesses, yet nevertheless was God incarnate, as the sinless son of God. So, he should still have all the normal chromosomes and whatnot.
A common analogy would be if you, as an author of a book, wrote yourself into your own story. Except without the Mary Sue-ness. (Or maybe with it?) Except also in this book, the other characters are constantly speculating over your nature and presume everything that is bad happens because you're constantly displeased with them, except somehow during times of war when you'd obviously be on their side.

Or maybe it's more like if you programmed an NPC to exactly represent you, as best as the AI could interpret. And you knew cheat codes, and allowed your character to use them. And you also had to reprogram the AI to correct for a malevolent emergent behavior introduced by a disgruntled employee, yet had to reprogram them without restarting the game. And the only way to do that is if the AI let you inspect their state to be serialized off the server. Yeah, it's like that.

The initial takeaway should be that the ultimate supreme infinite power of the entire universe actually cares about puny earthlings that he became one in order to for us to relate to him better. (Unfortunately, this was not entirely welcome. We can save the death-on-the-cross part for later...)

Your analogies have a surprising level of accuracy to them.

C_Octothorpe

@DrBen said:

@C-Octothorpe said:
I'm BLIND!!!!!

That's flash blindness. It's caused by bleaching of the pigment in the photoreceptor cells in your retina. It'll get better with time, depending on how high you've set your monitor's brightness.

Who said that? Come closer...

dhromed

@C-Octothorpe said:

Who said that? Come closer...

"... I want to knife you in the stomach."

C_Octothorpe

@dhromed said:

@C-Octothorpe said:
Who said that? Come closer...

"... I want to knife you in the stomach."

You try to stab the douchebag known as C-Octothorpe in the stomach, however you quickly realize that the "knife" is actually one of your favourite purple dildos.

Masaaki_Hosoi

dhromed

@C-Octothorpe said:

You try to stab the douchebag known as C-Octothorpe in the stomach, however you quickly realize that the "knife" is actually one of your favourite purple dildos.

NOT THIS AGAIN

C_Octothorpe

@dhromed said:

@C-Octothorpe said:
You try to stab the douchebag known as C-Octothorpe in the stomach, however you quickly realize that the "knife" is actually one of your favourite purple dildos.

NOT THIS AGAIN

Your cries go unheard. You then notice an UNSETTLING PICTURE OF MORBIUSWILTERS starting at you from the desk. Beside the picture is a pack of cigarettes, an empty jar of Astroglid, a car battery and a cattle prod.

PJH

@Someone You Know said:

Help out a non-Christian here. Isn't Jesus supposed to be some kind of
supernatural being?

God raped a helpless Virgin on March 25th BC1. The bastard son of this consummation went on to be a representative of one of the major religions we have today. The major visual form of this religion is the method of how he gets killed, and said God goes from opressive being in the OT to 'meh' in the NT.

Help much? I await the flames of damnation from the more secular of the members...

ender

@PJH said:

God raped a helpless Virgin on March 25th BC1.

Wasn't is BC4 or so?

boomzilla

@PJH said:

God raped a helpless Virgin

Great. Yet another feminist trying to expand the definition of rape.

ekolis

@Anketam said:

love the fire elemental in the upper left (have to be mousing over salvation), damn pagans

Don't forget Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock beaming up when you hover over "Testimony"!

Speakerphone_Dude

@PJH said:

God raped a helpless Virgin on March 25th BC1. The bastard son of this consummation went on to be a representative of one of the major religions we have today. The major visual form of this religion is the method of how he gets killed, and said God goes from opressive being in the OT to 'meh' in the NT.

Help much? I await the flames of damnation from the more secular of the members...

Actually... God did not rape the virgin, he merely watched while an angel did it. There is a rumor that in Peter's gospel it says that God was touching himself while this was occurring but this has been disputed by the Vatican.

blakeyrat

Shut up. I hate my own threads. I don't know why I post here.

Speakerphone_Dude

@blakeyrat said:

Shut up. I hate my own threads. I don't know why I post here.

Threads are like children. At some point you have to let them run free (or bury them in the garden if you think they'll talk to the pigs)

Cad_Delworth

@PJH said:

God raped a helpless Virgin on March 25th BC1.

Unfortunately, the word 'virgin' (as translated nowadays) meant (at that time) "a woman who has not yet borne a child" and not its modern meaning of "woman who has never had sexual intercourse." Hence, "virgin birth" actually means "woman having her first baby," which makes much more sense than "a virgin giving birth."

Cad_Delworth

@Masaaki said:

One of my personal favorites: www.siphawaii.com
Just puts you right in that shopping mood ;)

Waitaminnit … ah. I get it now. Or perhaps I should say "I don't get it," right? ;)

ekolis

@Cad Delworth said:

Unfortunately, the word 'virgin' (as translated nowadays) meant (at that time) "a woman who has not yet borne a child" and not its modern meaning of "woman who has never had sexual intercourse." Hence, "virgin birth" actually means "woman having her first baby," which makes much more sense than "a virgin giving birth."

So... wait, that means that the Catholic Church believes that Jesus was never born? Because they proclaim Mary as "ever-virgin"...

Speakerphone_Dude

@ekolis said:

@Cad Delworth said:
Unfortunately, the word 'virgin' (as translated nowadays) meant (at that time) "a woman who has not yet borne a child" and not its modern meaning of "woman who has never had sexual intercourse." Hence, "virgin birth" actually means "woman having her first baby," which makes much more sense than "a virgin giving birth."

So... wait, that means that the Catholic Church believes that Jesus was never born? Because they proclaim Mary as "ever-virgin"...

"The Lord works in mysterious ways" (this solves every conceivable logic problem with the dogma)

Masaaki_Hosoi

The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways, see also A Wizard Did It

moog

@Masaaki said:

One of my personal favorites: www.siphawaii.com

I like the "Sound Free Site" badge. If only the rest of the Internet would stop using gratuitous sound!

Masaaki_Hosoi

The funny part is the site has changed since I looked at it this morning. It's much better, mostly because half of it is missing

Edit: Checked the Wayback Machine, it gives me the error that it 'has been excluded' :C

Masaaki_Hosoi

Aha, looks like siphawaii.com changed back to it's former ugliness :D

EDIT 2: Wow, the site is a real WTF now... if you just type siphawaii.com into your URL bar, you get the regular site. If, however, you visit it from the link in my post, it seems to redirect you to a slightly better looking (but completely non-functional) page. lol

dhromed

@C-Octothorpe said:

Your cries go unheard. You then notice an UNSETTLING PICTURE OF MORBIUSWILTERS starting at you from the desk. Beside the picture is a pack of cigarettes, an empty jar of Astroglid, a car battery and a cattle prod.

Fuck it.

INSERT CATTLE PROD.

SMOKE CIGARETTE.

GRIN AT PICTURE OF MORBIUS.

THE END.